Step Ten

 

 

 

Step Ten: Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

Ever noticed how many of the 12 Steps have two distinct, equally important parts to them? Step 1 sets the tone for these two part examinations. It took me awhile to grasp the concept of being “powerless” over alcohol.

 

It took more time and more work to process an equally huge concept of Step 1: the “unmanageability” of my life. And then to actually connect the two halves as unmistakably related.

Step 10 is, for me, a similar deal. It’s taken some time and reflection to see that the two parts of the sentence are not only connected, but causally related. You have to do the personal inventory to be able to see your part to be able to promptly admit you were wrong.

Of course! Now I get it!

 

For me, the second half of Step 10 came First The words"wrong" and “admitted” blared out like flashing neon signs, demanding attention.

 

Wrong? Me? I was never wrong! I might not always be right, but I was surely never wrong! I’d spent my entire life blaming others for my plight. I mean, of course there was something “wrong” with me, which I now recognize as the disease of alcoholism.

But I never identified my thoughts or actions as “wrong.” If I could just get everyone else to treat me the way they were supposed to (shades of Step 3 in there, I know), everything would be fine. If only people understood me better.

 

Not that that was my problem, of course. They were the ones at fault. Stupid other people; no wonder I drank!

Step 10’s suggestion of taking inventory helped me put some bad behavior into perspective. I realized that I was a champion inventory taker from way back.

My inventories were all external; rarely including any positives, because the word gratitude was not in my vocabulary.

Oh yes. There was plenty wrong with the world. And I was oh so good at pointing that out.

In order to feel superior (or even equal) to others, I had to cut them down to size. Some of my inventorying was, to my mind, well intentioned. I seemed to surround myself with people who were damaged and in need of fixing.

 

I had a knack for finding friends, mates, workplaces and social groups that were imperfect -just waiting for my personal touch to be transformed to full functionality.

 

I could look at any person or situation and fashion an idealized version with ease. From my bar stool perch, I made grandiose plans to make the world around me perfect. Being insightful, intuitive, and very determined, I repeated this ill conceived process over and over and over. (I think they call that insanity, and it’s addressed in Step 2.)In reality, I stepped on a lot of people’s toes. And, just like they say in the “Big Book,” they retaliated. Needless to say, the idea that I might somehow be at fault never crossed my mind. Yes, victimhood suited me well.

 

That is, until I came into AA.

Not surprisingly, it was a fearless and thorough moral inventory that changed my attitude. I suddenly saw that I was not being persecuted. I did have a part. Every single thing that bothered me out there had its genesis inside my head.

My own misperceptions were to blame. Dare I say it? I had actually had been WRONG, as well as wronged! Now that the light bulb has been turned on, I recognize my effect on others, not just their effect on me. I know when I am in the wrong. It doesn’t feel good. It feels icky.

Wrong is a new name for an old familiar feeling. It’s that state I used to cultivate like a toxic garden of weeds, liberally watered with wine, beer or whisky. Given just an inkling of justification, I could whip myself up into a right frenzy of indignation. And stay there for days.

The more wrong I could make others, the more right I became in my head.

Stupid me; no wonder I was lonely!

Now, I can short circuit that whole process. The big relief of Step 10 is the tool of making amends. Resentments no longer fester for weeks.

 My tolerance for “wrong headedness” is much lower. My awareness of my part in problems is much higher. It doesn’t feel good to wallow anymore.

AA has taught me to keep my own side of the street clean. Step 10 makes that a daily occurrence.

So today, if something is nagging at my conscience, I have a way to process it. Instead of jumping immediately into defensive mode, I look for my part and act quickly to clear it up.

Even if I didn’t start it, even if the other person’s behavior was worse than mine, that doesn’t matter. It’s my responsibility to make the amends.

And there’s a reward for doing so:

I get to stay sober! The world around me feels more hospitable, too.



 

Resentment

When we drill deep into the root of resentment and anger, the cause always revolves around our ego and the mind’s attempt to protect it from extinction. Here is a series of thoughts I observed myself experiencing while confronted with such a scenario:

1. Ego Shock – feelings of shock, followed by increased heart rate. I could sense that my ego was hurt.
2. Animal Instincts - when my ego is hurt, my inner caveman quickly jumps out in attack mode. Even if I logically know that it is unnecessary to be in attack mode, caveman will still be there and I will experience feelings of animal instinct. In caveman days, if we didn’t retaliate against others who hurt us, we would eventually be killed. So, this instinct serves as a survival mechanism and is a natural response to an attack. I believe that understanding this is vitally important to accepting our own reactive tendencies and to finally controlling these instincts.
3. Defense – In an attempt to defend my ego, for having been wrongfully accused, my inner caveman strategized a battle plan of defense and attack. This included a list of harmful things I could say to the attacker.
4. Infused Anger - The more I thought about how I’d been wronged, the deeper I fell into feelings of resentment, and even feelings of despair.
5. “Cave Man Survives in a Tribe” – As tribal animals, our inner caveman cares about what others think of us, since if others didn’t like us, we might be kicked out of the tribe. And for a caveman, life outside of a tribe means instant hardship and death. And so, when we learn that others think badly of us, we become unbalanced, unwell and very bothered.
6. Defending Our Ego is Like Fighting Other Cave Men – When a caveman fights with another caveman in our modern age (ie. Now), nobody wins. We fight out of an instinct to survive, and to protect our ego-driven pride. In the end, nobody wins, since we no longer live in the stone-age and killing each other is no longer necessary.

Technique for Overcoming Resentment

I am not suggesting that we suppress or deny these feelings. But rather, use responsible methods for dealing with these uncomfortable and unpleasant emotions so that we are no longer slaves to the emotional reflexes of our animalistic instincts.

As hard as it might seem while we are experiencing anger towards someone, the keys to overcoming the emotion lie first in understanding and finally in forgiving. This seems counter-intuitive, since our instincts tell us that we need to defend ourselves, and possibly come up with ways to hurt the other person.

Understanding gives us insight into what the other person is feeling. Even before we reach the stage of forgiveness, understanding will automatically ease some of the emotional burden we’ve been carrying.

Before seeking to understand, we need to find a place of clarity within ourselves. Clarity means that we are not acting out of our emotions or our caveman instincts. When we can step out of our inner caveman, we are able to see the situation for what it is. It will quickly become clear that the other person was acting out of the instincts of their inner caveman, and thus blinded by their own emotions.

Okay, let’s dive deeper into each major step in overcoming these bothersome feelings:

1. Clarity

In this step, the goal is to feel well again. When our minds are frazzled with random thoughts of pain and resentment, it is nearly impossible to overcome anything. Therefore, we need to first find peace within ourselves.

When we seek peace and clarity, we are ultimately creating the space within ourselves for alternative possibilities and healing. Without which, we will remain in a never-ending cycle of unnecessary pain and suffering.

• Exercise: Express Your Emotions -Fully express your emotions without physically harming anyone (including yourself). If you feel angry, express that anger verbally (while you are alone) with the intent of releasing it completely out of your system. You can jump up and down, cry out loud or exert unusual sounds. Listen to your body as to how it wants to release this negative energy. Give yourself a time limit of say 5 to 10 minutes in which you must express all your anger, either verbally or in writing. Additionally or alternatively, go for a run, a hike, a workout or a swim. Many people find exercise to be an effective way to release toxic energy.
• Exercise: Finding Peace via Focused Attention – This has been the most effective tool for me when clarity and inner peace is needed: First, find a comfortable seat and close your eyes. Bring your focus onto your breath. Focus all of your attention on your inhales and exhales. Do this for about five minutes. Next, bring your attention to your heart (the center of your chest). Focus on all the things you are grateful for in your life, right now. You can either visualize each person or thing, or you can hear the sound of these things spoken in your mind. As you see them, or hear them, experience the feelings of gratitude in your heart.
• “You are In Control” – Remind yourself that you are in control of your thoughts and actions. You are never as helpless or in as pitiful a state as your ego would have you believe. Remind yourself of the responsible person that you are – using the real definition of responsibility: the ability to respond, or the ability to control our responses. Map out the worst case scenario and accept it. You’ll often find that the worst case scenario isn’t as bad as the dreadful scenario that you have dreamt up in your mind.

2. Understanding

Now that we’ve put our inner caveman aside, we can objectively look at the situation for what it is. We can seek to understand what is causing the other person to act in this particular way.

In most cases, once we’ve figured out the cause for their behavior, we will find that it is often not an attack on us, but a reflection of their primal instinct to protect themselves.

What’s more, as we gain perspective into their position, we might find that we’ve learned something valuable that will contribute towards our wellbeing and happiness in the future.

• It’s Not Personal – When people are in pain, they sometimes cannot help but to spread that energy onto others. When people communicate in ways that are hurtful to you, it is not meant to be personal, but rather a reflection of their internal state.
• The Painful “Enemy” – Seek out the scenarios and perspectives which may have triggered them to treat you in a manner that hurts you. They may be in such a deep seated state of frustration and emotional disturbance that they have lost the capacity to communicate rationally and with consideration of your feelings. Seek to understand that people, by nature, do not want to harm others, but circumstances that trigger their inner caveman cause them to act out in self-defense.
• Freedom of Expression. – Accept that it is okay for them to have negative thoughts or feelings towards you. They have the same freedom of thought and freedom of choice as do you. Choose understanding. Choose compassion. Choose doing the right thing by staying honest to yourself. Outside of that, don’t worry about it, let them go. We cannot control other people’s actions, so why should we exert energy trying? Let others be, and find peace with that.

3. Forgiveness

“Not forgiving someone is like drinking poison
and expecting the other person to die.”

Forgiveness is a gradual process, and understanding will eventually take us there. However, if we do not attempt forgiveness, the only person we are harming is ourselves.

The goal here is to find peace with the situation and to move on with our lives. Life is too short to dwell on the past, or to dwell on other people’s opinions of us. Give yourself a gift of freedom: forgive them with grace, compassion and understanding.

• Forgive Yourself – Forgive yourself for having had thoughts of retaliation, resentment, regret or grievance. Forgive yourself for exposing your inner caveman.
• Forgive Others – After the exercise of breathing and gratitude (see Finding Peace via Focused Attention above), continue to keep your eyes closed. Now, let go of all resentment and regret. You can imagine each of these separately. Imagine all the people who you hold a grudge against. Optionally you may see their harmless face smiling at you. Recognize that we are all trying our hardest in our current state of consciousness. Tell them in your imagination that you forgive them. Have the intention of forgiving others and ourselves for any actions that may have resulted in pain. You can also repeat the mantra from A Course in Miracles:

“Every decision I make is a choice between a grievance and a miracle. I relinquish all resentments, grievances and regrets. I choose the miracle.“

Can you recall an incident triggered by another person that left you with resentment? If so, put yourself in their position and see if you can understand how their primal instincts may have triggered their initial attack. How can you forgive this person? Share your thoughts in the comment section. See you there

How do one ( “I” ) become an alcoholic?

One drink at a time, over an extended period of time.

This isn’t intended to be the setup for a joke, that’s how it happens. The first drink you take in your life or the first time you get drunk doesn’t make you an alcoholic. It takes time and hundreds upon hundreds of drinks which follow that first one. Some substances are known to overtake a person the first time they use it. But alcohol, like tobacco, requires repeated usage for your mind, body and emotions to become dependent on them. The first puff of a cigarette doesn’t hook you and the first drink in your life doesn’t hook you. But once you ARE hooked, the first puff or drink of the day takes you right back to your dependency.

I admit that I liked the sensation the first time I got drunk (even though I threw up). I was not a teenager at the time. But I didn’t wake up the next morning physically craving another drink. I did what many teenagers do, I got drunk whenever (and as often as) I could. It took me years to become dependent upon alcohol.
Does this mean that I was riddled with flaws and defects? I don’t believe so. I was pursuing a feeling of pleasure and getting drunk gave me the feeling of pleasure. However, a point came when the pleasure turned into a dependency, that’s when I became an alcoholic. I can recall the exact day, there its Formation Day of my home state where I’m living, definitely EXACT day – it took time – one drink at a time.
My point…? Just as it takes time to become an alcoholic it takes time to become comfortable as a sober person (again). While sobriety begins when you stop drinking, re-invention is evolutionary and requires time. Maybe you will gain and regain all you desire faster than you imagine. But there are no guarantees. It will be up to you to make the best out of your sobriety.
Some people, possibly many people will disagree with me and say that alcoholism is a disease and one is hooked upon their first drink. I respect differing opinions on the root of alcoholism. However, I don’t believe that it’s horribly important how you got there; I believe that it’s more important how you stop and stay away from there. Follow whatever philosophy or system that works for you, so long as you bring no harm upon anyone else.

Forget Recovery

Reinvent yourself!
Recovery is the accepted or recognized term for us drunks, as in: I’m in recovery; I’m a recovering alcoholic, Recovery Program, etc. For simplicity and to avoid confusion, I use the word recovery in my writings, books, & blogs. But this term makes me uncomfortable.
Someone recovers after surgery, an accident or from a hangover.
I wasn’t recovering from any of those things during my sobering up process, I was reinventing myself.
This is why I prefer to say that I'm reinvented, because I've had to reinvent myself as a sober person.
I had to discover ways to live without alcohol, uncover lost feelings and deep desires.
I found new passions, activities and rewards. I had to radically change my view regarding how I respect alcohol, other people and how I approach social dealings.
The only thing I am recovering from is my own mistakes.
And just because I no longer drink doesn't mean I don't make mistakes. I still fuck-up plenty of things, but at least I'm sober when I make those mistakes.
I will continue to use the term recovery because it's accepted and less confusing. But in reality, I have reinvented myself. That's all I did.

Do what you want!

Look, I'm not going to try and talk you into quitting drinking. I don't care if you drink your nights, weekends or your life away - YOU have to care. If you're viewing this page it's because something inside of you said, "This aint working for me. I need to get this under control."
It's never too early to start. If you're waiting for just the right moment or the right sign, they're right in front of you, you're just not seeing them. I share a lot of information and ideas on this site. Go ahead and browse the pages, But the decision is yours. You are not powerless, unless you say that you are powerless (and keep repeating it to yourself), and then behave in a powerless fashion.

I wish.....

I wish I could tell you that everything will work out fine. I wish I could offer you a guarantee of sober happiness. I wish I could tell you that it gets easier with time, that the temptations go away, that the struggles disappear, that all memories fade. They don't, at least not for me they haven't - but maybe this will be easier for you.
I wish I could spare you some of the pain that you will go through. But you will have to walk this path in your own shoes.
We can walk it together, you can lean on me and others, but you will have to make this walk yourself.
My method doesnt work... for everyone.
My belief that alcoholism isn't a disease is not always popular. My philosophy and strategy for maintaining sobriety doesn't work for everyone. (Actually, no system works for everyone.) Some people function best under a regimented plan or step system.
That doesn't mean they are weak; they just need a pre-established structure to follow.
I suggest that anyone who is going to undertake a sober lifestyle spends the time to research all systems. I suggest that people DO attend some AA meetings. Discover on your own what is most rewarding for YOU.
Many of us can't afford rehab or don't have time to attend daily meetings. Some of us don't feel the need to relinquish our power over to an invisible god of our choosing.
And is it constructive to constantly remind yourself that you are weak, flawed and despicable? All drunks are not worthless jerks. If you are an abusive drunken jerk, then do something about it.
If drinking is a problem in your life, then YOU will have to change YOUR drinking habits but you probably don't have to change who you are. Some of the changes you will undertake may not be fun - sorry. Many of the changes may not turn out how you plan or expect - sorry. But here's a crazy twist; some things may turn out better than you ever expected. But you won't know until you try.
You CAN have a 100% success rate - no matter what plan or program you follow - as long as you don't drink. So at least give sobriety a try. I assure you, it'll be different.
More on my Philosophy:
On this website I bare my soul to you. I share all of my feelings of depression, guilt, temptation and anger. However, if you were to meet me in person you would never know that I suffer from these feelings - and more important - you would never know that I don't drink. I share my private emotions and struggles with you here, on my website, because this is the place to do it. I talk openly about the difficulty of trying to live a sober life, and it can be a daily struggle.
I was under the foolish belief that once I stopped drinking I would be happy and everyone would love me more, especially the people that I love. WRONG! Life is not filled with flowers, fuzzy bunnies and the sun does not shine out of your ass just because you quit drinking.
When I first quit drinking I attended a few "meetings" and listened to people say how much better my life will be if I follow the steps and find a higher power. What a crock of shit! Sobriety sucks. Listening to "read the book" rhetoric just doesn't work for me - that's not how real life is - especially if you enjoy drinking. Sobriety is NOT always fun and it's NOT always easy. Just try to live a normal life, and not drink or be tempted to drink.
I have had to learn how to stay sober using my own willpower. I live a normal, fully engaged life. I don't hide from the real world. I go to parties, concerts, sporting events, etc. - and I stay sober.
The hard part about sobriety is that you have to deal with life and other people as they really are, and you have to do this SOBER! When you're a sober man, huge ugly women stay huge and ugly all night. It’s the same for sober women - fat, dumb drunk guys don't start looking good as the night goes on. Boring, stupid people get even more boring and stupid.
Respecting Alcohol:
“Living Sober Sucks” is not an anti-alcohol book. I think drinking is fun and a lot of drugs are fun. However, they can become problematic for many of us. I happen to be someone that knows that I shouldn't drink or do drugs. Now that I know that, I make the conscious choice to not partake in drinking or drugs. You, or someone you know may also be in this same category.

Understanding what alcohol does: Alcohol is designed to effect the brain and give the user a sense of pleasure. However, as larger amounts of alcohol are introduced into the body, these euphoric feelings are also mixed with an inability for the brain to process data between the various are as coherently and correctly. This is what causes us to have poor judgment while were drunk. That is a simple explanation.

In layman’s terms: Alcohol makes stupid people seem interesting. It makes fat, dopey people look attractive and it also causes your pants to fall off at the wrong time with the wrong person. Too much alcohol also causes us to have regrets. We regret what we said, what we did, or who we ended up going home with.

 

By Mark Tuschel.

Everything doesnt always turn out for the best, but you can make the best of how things turn out.
A smart person learns from their mistakes, but a smarter person learns from everyone else's mistakes.
I don't think I was all that bad, but I didn't have to deal with me as a drunk... I was me!
This is fucked up!
Alcoholism isn't a disease, it's a choice.
I am paying the price today for what I did yesterday.
You never know how you look through someone else's eyes.
Let go and let gravity! - Some things fly, some don't.
The day I needed help from God, She called in sick.
If you think you have a problem, you probably do have a problem
As long as I do something, something will happen.
Sometimes life is fair and justice is served - be patient.
Life can get better, if you let it, and help it along a bit.
Hey, this may suck, but at least I’m still sober!
I don't care!
I don't care what YOU want to put into YOUR body. I care about what I put into MY body.
I don't care if YOU want to drink or do drugs. I care whether I drink or do drugs.
I don't care how YOU treat people. I care how I treat people.
I don't care how YOU want to act or live your life. I care how I act and how I live my life.
I don't care about who YOU hang out with. I care about who I hang out with.
I don't care how many ransoms YOU go home with. I care about who I give my love to.
I don't care what you might think or say about me. I care what I think and say about me.
It isn't that I don't care about people. In fact, I care deeply about the important people in my life and I care about YOU, but I can't care about what they do or what you do. I have to pay attention to what I do, what I say and how I react to others.
If friends do things that I don't like or that aren't good for me or them, then I must decide if I want to hang out with them. All I can control is ME, and all you can control is YOU.
I believe that this attitude will help you pay attention to your own sobriety.
People have done some pretty rotten things to me. I've been cheated on, tormented, humiliated, laughed at, belittled, emasculated, lied to, and emotionally hurt. I've had people die in front of me, had good friends die in my arms, been robbed, lost money, made money, had my ass kicked and kicked a few asses. I have been loved and hated. While I was a drunk I had probably done some of those same things to people that I love and I must live with that guilt, but that isn't an excuse or a reason for me to drink. It doesn't matter what you've been through or what anyone has ever done to you,,, no one forces you to drink but YOU! There are NO excuses, no good reasons, there is no rationalization! I’m not superhuman and I'm nothing special,,,, I’m just honest with myself and with you. Try living sober for a while. What's the worst that can happen?

Let rehab come to you!
I came across a very interesting rehab service. They’re called CARE  (Chemical Addiction Rehabilitation Education) and they work as sober escorts and sober companions. I’m a firm believer that to fully enjoy a sober lifestyle you need to be able to engage in all aspects of your world. CARE works with individuals in their own environment and as a companion at social events to learn how to live a normal fully engaged sober life. I really like their approach and concept. This is a paid endorsement, I truly support their methodology.

Thank you to all of my family and friends that have stuck by me and helped me stay sober. Special thanks to my crazy wife hema.
The 1'st year of sobriety is,,, ummmm,,, different. It may not be what you expect or have been told. Hopefully, your first year will be better than mine was.
I wish I could tell you that sobriety will bring you complete joy and happiness. I wish I could say that it will be fun and easy. I wish I could assure you that everything will go your way when you begin to live sober. I would be lying if I told you that.
We are all different and we all face varied struggles within our lives. Sobering up may be easy for you. It may bring you all the peace and happiness you desire. I hope that it does. But for many of us, it will require great effort. All of our problems won't magically disappear. We will still have periods of sadness and disappointments will come into our lives. We won't get everything we want out of sobriety. Temptation will always be lurking and seeing the rewards of our sobriety will take time.
I don't want to be discouraging, but it may take from 6 months to a full year of living sober before you really see and feel the benefits. If you've been a heavy drinker for a while (2 years or more), it will take time for your body, mind and emotions to function in sober unison.
Some benefits will be obvious - at first. Not feeling like shit after a night of drinking. Noticing that you haven't spent all of your money, actually remembering what you did or said. But it will be the things that are lacking or that are gone from your life that won't be as obvious. However the lack of problems and misery is far more enjoyable than the gain of something small.
Many newly sober people want a lot out of this. They want peace, happiness, renewed and rekindled relationships. They want to be liked, loved and respected. They want to have financial stability, look better, feel better, and be popular, whatever. These are all great things to want and to desire. But sobriety does not guarantee these things. These things must be earned through your own action and behavior. Not just a one-time action or behavior, but a sustained and consistent behavior. This all takes time, possibly years.

Do not be discouraged by my words. Your life and conditions may improve faster than you imagine. You will likely gain things out of sobriety that you never imagined. But you will have to work at this. You can simply stay sober if you wish - but why not make the best out of this? Reward yourself and be proud of yourself. You are NOT filled with flaws, character defects and weaknesses - you just drink too much.

Be patient, loving and caring with yourself. Live and behave in your own best self-interest for your own self preservation. If you're not worth a shit to yourself, you won't be worth a shit to anyone else.

What reality do you have to face?

The reality that YOU no longer drink. You might tell yourself, “I’ll never drink again.” But some people don’t like to think in “never” terms, so instead maybe you tell yourself, “I’m not going to drink today, tomorrow or in the near future.” You could also say, “I’m not going to drink indefinitely.” However you want to say it to yourself, the reality is that YOU no longer drink. You don’t need to add qualifiers like, “I can’t” or “I shouldn’t” drink. Simply accept the fact that YOU no longer drink.

Don’t worry about anyone else, just worry about YOU. That’s another part of sober reality – other people can and will continue to drink, some socially, some to excess, some to death. That’s not your problem, it’s theirs. The sooner you accept this reality the sooner you will stop feeling as if you have been singled out to suffer. You won’t be as tempted to look down at anyone else who does drink and you won’t feel compelled to spread the “good word” of sobriety to everyone you meet.


You’re reading this book, so once you’re done with it, start reading another book. It doesn’t matter what the subject matter or the genre is, just keep reading. In fact, I believe that you should read about subjects that you’re unfamiliar with. You might discover a new passion or interest. The mission is to challenge your mind, to cause you to think, to learn new perspectives and to learn new things.


If you want to be a wet blanket at parties, events and social gatherings – go ahead. At least you won’t have to worry about being tempted to drink in the future, because you won’t be invited back. If you don’t want to go places where alcohol is served, that’s your choice. If you never want to go to a concert, festival, comedy club, bowling alley, wedding reception, whatever – that’s your choice. But why would you want to rob yourself of all that fun?

I’ll grant you that it’s not a good idea to attend Ok to be rest on Day 2 of your sobriety, but eventually you’ll want to, or have to, attend some function where alcohol is served. Unless of course you plan on hiding from the rest of the world and never going to a wedding reception, never going to a festival or fair, or never going to a restaurant that might serve – God forbid – wine! You’ll also have to never watch a Football, Basketball or Baseball game on TV. You have to prepare yourself for all of these tempting situations if you plan on living a normal, fully engaged life. Sure, you can go sit in the “alcohol free” section at Baseball and Football games, but you’re going to have to walk through the parking lot and through the turnstiles, then past all the concession areas. Sooner or later you’re going to have to pee. What are you going to do? Have someone put a pillowcase over your head and walk you to your seat or to the bathroom? (I went to the Symphony and there were wine vendors in the lobby.) Virtually any public place or entertainment venue you go to will have alcohol for sale. You better get used to it.