Do you
think Alcoholism and marriage go together?
You'd think the opposite would be true, that alcoholism and divorce go together.
You'd think with alcoholism being the marriage crippler that it is, that all alcoholics would be divorced, with no access to their children. Yes, there are some of those.
However, a survey says 19% of all alcoholics in India are married!. Now sit for a moment and think about it. Why would that be?
It's quite simple really the answer lies in the make-up of the alcoholic. Alcoholics are sensitive needy people, who can't stand loneliness and heartache. I know you are going: "You can't be taking about my alcoholic now, he is exactly the opposite!"
Yes, it might seem that way, but alcoholics are great actors and master manipulators too. Truth be told, alcoholics prefer to be married!"
Let's
look at the women who marry alcoholics. Typically, an alcoholic's wife is a
nurturing, caring, loving person, and in most cases, her own family feels that
he is undeserving of such a good wife and woman. Be honest with yourself now.
Friends and relatives cannot fathom why she "put up with your stuff"
and why she "don't kick the bum out". She is loyal and defends your
actions, make excuses for your behavior, and call your boss to say he is sick
(when actually you are passed out drunk on your living room floor). She does
all those things because she loves you and she want to protect you. Most of
all, if you lose your job, who is going to take care of her and the children
then?
Does it start to make sense now? My statement - "Alcoholism and Marriage go together"? I think you can see where I'm going with this. Alcoholics stay married because they have "good" wives. They are still married to you (alcoholic) because they love you and they believe that "this time it will be better". They believe him when he says he "will definitely stop this time" or "swear I will never hit you again".
I'm not going to tell them that they are wrong (or right for that matter) to believe him. I'm not going to judge them or tell them to divorce him. I'm not going to tell them to stay married to him either. I'm only going to try to give them some advice to help them on their journey through life with an alcoholic spouse.
You see, I was an Alcoholic married to a village girl who lived in the home even there is no smell of Alcohol. After our marriage she lived that life. She experienced it what I told earlier.
After I came to recovery through AA, I realized what I was and when I started re-invent myself I came to know that the mental status of an women lives with an Alcoholic, then I started to drill deep in to my past, I walked in her shoes then I came to know what I am and what I suppose to be. Now I’m me & what I suppose to be.
I'm not a therapist, nor a doctor, or a counselor even. I'm just a normal (well, sort of) man who had deal with alcoholism and marriage every day.
So your (wives of Alcoholics) next question is why?
Why am I taking the time to build this site and tell you about my life and try to help you with yours?
Well first of all I know that you are tired of hearing that it just can't work. I know that you WANT to stay married, even though there is this little problem called Alcoholism in your marriage. For you, divorce is not an option, and you just have to make this work somehow. Actually, you will be grateful just to have some advice on HOW to deal with all this alcoholism stuff.
This is for you, the woman who never made it to the Al-anon meeting, or a therapist, or your local priest/pastor. Maybe you've been, but you've found no relief. Maybe you are too embarrassed to admit that your husband did recover a bit, but is now up to his old tricks again. Maybe you are too embarrassed to even discuss this with your mother or best friend. Maybe you are just not sure whether he is an alcoholic at all. Or maybe... Maybe you just can't face the fact that it might actually be the case.
You are not alone. I understand your need for anonymity. It is for you that I created this website (http://aashakirana.blogspot.in/) & FB Group (ಆಶಾಕಿರಣ, A Ray of “HOPE” to Recovery)
I want you to be able to get all the information you need about your husband's alcoholism. I want you to get your marriage boat in calm seas again. I want you to be able to do this without the fear of him or someone else "discovering" what you have been up to.
I want you to be able to learn from my own and other's mistakes. I want you to learn how to heal yourself, to live a whole and sane life again. I want to give you advice on how to tackle the practical day-to-day issues, that might seem like nothing to others, but are challenges in themselves, just because you are living with this crazy disease. I want you to be able to deal with you children and your family, in a normal way again. I want you to be able to laugh, relax, have fun and enjoy life again.
I KNOW it seems impossible now, but so many people managed to become whole again. They are happier and more relaxed now. Unfortunately, but I survived. Whether you want to stay or not, is irrelevant. It is not about that. It is about you and feeling sane again. My life is not perfect, But I'm better, and I want you to feel better too.
Please bookmark this site, so that you can continue the full journey to your recovery. If you don't take care of you first, if you don't get well, if you don't become whole again, your husband won't either. I'm not saying that healing yourself will cure his disease, but it will make it easier for you to live with. As you begin to change, he will be thrown out of his comfort zone and that is GOOD. He will either have to adapt, change and get well, or get out.
Now don't let those last two words scare you. It is very unlikely to happen. It is very difficult to lose an alcoholic. He needs YOU. You might think it is the other way around now, but you will learn that it is not.
I wish for you to come back here as often as you can, to start rebuilding your life and get your sanity back.
I wish you all the best on your journey to health, your journey to save your marriage, and journey to learning how to live with Alcoholism and marriage.
You'd think the opposite would be true, that alcoholism and divorce go together.
You'd think with alcoholism being the marriage crippler that it is, that all alcoholics would be divorced, with no access to their children. Yes, there are some of those.
However, a survey says 19% of all alcoholics in India are married!. Now sit for a moment and think about it. Why would that be?
It's quite simple really the answer lies in the make-up of the alcoholic. Alcoholics are sensitive needy people, who can't stand loneliness and heartache. I know you are going: "You can't be taking about my alcoholic now, he is exactly the opposite!"
Yes, it might seem that way, but alcoholics are great actors and master manipulators too. Truth be told, alcoholics prefer to be married!"
Does it start to make sense now? My statement - "Alcoholism and Marriage go together"? I think you can see where I'm going with this. Alcoholics stay married because they have "good" wives. They are still married to you (alcoholic) because they love you and they believe that "this time it will be better". They believe him when he says he "will definitely stop this time" or "swear I will never hit you again".
I'm not going to tell them that they are wrong (or right for that matter) to believe him. I'm not going to judge them or tell them to divorce him. I'm not going to tell them to stay married to him either. I'm only going to try to give them some advice to help them on their journey through life with an alcoholic spouse.
You see, I was an Alcoholic married to a village girl who lived in the home even there is no smell of Alcohol. After our marriage she lived that life. She experienced it what I told earlier.
After I came to recovery through AA, I realized what I was and when I started re-invent myself I came to know that the mental status of an women lives with an Alcoholic, then I started to drill deep in to my past, I walked in her shoes then I came to know what I am and what I suppose to be. Now I’m me & what I suppose to be.
I'm not a therapist, nor a doctor, or a counselor even. I'm just a normal (well, sort of) man who had deal with alcoholism and marriage every day.
So your (wives of Alcoholics) next question is why?
Why am I taking the time to build this site and tell you about my life and try to help you with yours?
Well first of all I know that you are tired of hearing that it just can't work. I know that you WANT to stay married, even though there is this little problem called Alcoholism in your marriage. For you, divorce is not an option, and you just have to make this work somehow. Actually, you will be grateful just to have some advice on HOW to deal with all this alcoholism stuff.
This is for you, the woman who never made it to the Al-anon meeting, or a therapist, or your local priest/pastor. Maybe you've been, but you've found no relief. Maybe you are too embarrassed to admit that your husband did recover a bit, but is now up to his old tricks again. Maybe you are too embarrassed to even discuss this with your mother or best friend. Maybe you are just not sure whether he is an alcoholic at all. Or maybe... Maybe you just can't face the fact that it might actually be the case.
You are not alone. I understand your need for anonymity. It is for you that I created this website (http://aashakirana.blogspot.in/) & FB Group (ಆಶಾಕಿರಣ, A Ray of “HOPE” to Recovery)
I want you to be able to get all the information you need about your husband's alcoholism. I want you to get your marriage boat in calm seas again. I want you to be able to do this without the fear of him or someone else "discovering" what you have been up to.
I want you to be able to learn from my own and other's mistakes. I want you to learn how to heal yourself, to live a whole and sane life again. I want to give you advice on how to tackle the practical day-to-day issues, that might seem like nothing to others, but are challenges in themselves, just because you are living with this crazy disease. I want you to be able to deal with you children and your family, in a normal way again. I want you to be able to laugh, relax, have fun and enjoy life again.
I KNOW it seems impossible now, but so many people managed to become whole again. They are happier and more relaxed now. Unfortunately, but I survived. Whether you want to stay or not, is irrelevant. It is not about that. It is about you and feeling sane again. My life is not perfect, But I'm better, and I want you to feel better too.
Please bookmark this site, so that you can continue the full journey to your recovery. If you don't take care of you first, if you don't get well, if you don't become whole again, your husband won't either. I'm not saying that healing yourself will cure his disease, but it will make it easier for you to live with. As you begin to change, he will be thrown out of his comfort zone and that is GOOD. He will either have to adapt, change and get well, or get out.
Now don't let those last two words scare you. It is very unlikely to happen. It is very difficult to lose an alcoholic. He needs YOU. You might think it is the other way around now, but you will learn that it is not.
I wish for you to come back here as often as you can, to start rebuilding your life and get your sanity back.
I wish you all the best on your journey to health, your journey to save your marriage, and journey to learning how to live with Alcoholism and marriage.
