Wednesday, July 24, 2013

On my 1st year of Sobriety Anniversary



As an Alcoholic in recovery, I can speak for many people that sobriety anniversaries are extremely important. They are major accomplishments!
I cannot express the utter amazement, I supposed to pass years and years of continued sobriety, to experience every passing year of continued sobriety.
One of my friends described his sobriety as a wonder to him that through "one day at a time" he was able to put together over 21 years of clean, sober, happy living.
 

Outsiders may not understand
I recently overheard a comment from someone who said “Sobriety anniversary? Who would ever want to celebrate being sober?” And to that I replied, “Well, for someone who was destroying their lives with drugs or alcohol, being clean and sober every passing day just happens to be a big, freaking deal!” People outside AA, NA, CA, and other 12-step or recovery-related programs often do not understand the importance of the sobriety anniversary.

Sobriety birthdays are events that are nothing like regular birthdays: it's not something we dread as we get older, but rather it's another year of freedom from addiction. Another 365 days of rebuilding our lives and going from complete self-loathing to find meaning and purpose.
We must absolutely recognize sobriety birthdays both in and outside of fellowship. Sisters and brothers in fellowship, friends, and family should acknowledge the sobriety anniversary. Because it is an indescribably important day in the addict/alcoholic’s life, we can offer our presence at meetings where we accept chips marking another year of sobriety, or we can offer gifts commemorating that special day.

During my first year of in recovery, I remember watching people in the program celebrate their anniversaries and this actually made me envious. I often thought bitterly, "if that person can do it why can't I?" and this became a huge motivator for me. So as the months passed and I accepted more chips, the challenge became greater and I had finally reached my first year. This number “1” became a motivator in itself because I didn't want to break it and have to start over again.
After a few months of sobriety under my belt, sometimes the idea of remaining clean and sober became somewhat abstract; however, breaking the number was not. There were times when I thought, "I'll just have a little this one time, no one will ever know..." but then I couldn't stand the idea of starting over. What's more, I would feel hypocritical if I would have ignored that one occasion and pretended it never happen. The competitive part of me and I'm sure for many others in recovery believe it is healthy and an example of how the program is a system of interlocking motivators.

When I first entered recovery, I started making my own jewelry bearing the Serenity Prayer as a touchstone, something to re-direct my thoughts whenever I needed to, especially during those early days of sobriety.
On this day July 7, 2013 my 1st sober birthday, I made myself a special reminder with a big one. It may became a constant reminder in future of mine to know how far I'd come. It could be something I could touch or look at in the mirror at any time; I’m a sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous. Sober, by the Grace of God, since 5th July, 2012.

Sometimes, I am boring myself with writing about how tired I am, how much rain we are getting, when I am running, and what I am doing for food & shelter.  I thought about writing about my experience of being a sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous - by year. I don't know if this is interesting to anyone, but I think it will be good for me to go back and look at these last 367 days.
 
 
 
 

I hit the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous (CARE, “Chemical Addiction Rehabilitation Education”) on 5th July 1012, at the age of 40. I was a machinist. I had a wife and two children at home. To say I was overwhelmed with all of this would be an understatement. And yet, I had no idea of what else I could do.
I found myself sober. I was delighted. Really. I wanted to be sober more than anything in the world, once I realized that God could make this possible. i.e., in my first 24 hours. I had been miserable for so long... never knowing if my problem was my marriage, or myriad unfortunate circumstances... or my suicidal depression, but definitely not wanting to think it was the booze. When I finally admitted it was the alcohol and asked for help, I felt such relief. It was as if the entire world was open to me.
 
 


They told me to go to 90 meetings in 90 days and I went to 65, (but I attended to some online meetings) they told me to get a sponsor and I did it in another way as I decided to took my rehab director, (I think who has matured minded, well experienced, skilled in handling both alcoholics, addicts and narcotics, moreover his thoughts, & feelings are similar to me) as my sponsor myself without intimating him too.  They told me to read the big book and I did. The big book told me to get busy on the steps and I did. (To write this, I have been looking at my journal from the period of Feb 14, 2012, to till Nov.1st, 2012. My last 5 months of drinking and my first 4 months of sobriety.)
 
The mood sure changes!
In a few short months of sobriety, I was no longer writing about how fate had dealt me a bum hand. I was living to the best of my ability and enjoying it! In this journal are my first gratitude lists, they are very sweet to look at now.
I have often in my sobriety thought that I was rash wile living with my wife, in past 7 years, within 3 months of getting sober. It is easier to believe that the less I have to do with her now. In the last year or so, I have had a lot more interactions with her.
I could actually make a living! I could actually buy myself clothes and shoes and things men need! I could provide for my children! And since I quit drinking mass quantities of whisky every day, weight filled 1/8 of me. I gain 13 kg’s, in my first 6 months of sobriety...
 
What I remember most about that first year was the feeling of being clean. I felt like I could hold my head up. Someone said that for those who celebrate a year of sobriety, there is an 80% chance that they will die sober. I don't know where someone would get a statistic like that, but apparently I remembered it.
My life felt clean and new. It was hard. But it was so so so so so so so so good.

I am so grateful for these wonderful memories. An old man in an AA meeting told me once "Some day all you will have is your memories - make them good ones.”