STAGE ONE :– It’s just a few beers and a football game. You wouldn’t recognize an alcoholic in this stage. One might see a person just having a good time. He is still able to get to work on time, do a good job and meet daily responsibilities. But when the weekend comes, there’s always a reason to drink –Salaryday, friends wedding ceremony, New Year’s Eve, Any Anniversary’s, Graduation, Birthday parties… there’s always something going on involving alcohol. It doesn’t appear to be so bad because he’s a family man and he is always there for his wife and kids.
STAGE
TWO – It’s five o’clock somewhere. Drinking
has progressed now to happy hours after work. He gets home from work
later and may already be drunk by the time he gets home. Drinking
will now take him away from home more often than not. He
prefers to drink with people who share his drunkenness. He still may
find time for the wife and kids, but they are no longer his top
priority. He
may lie about the amount on his paycheck to hide money outside the
regular budget. And the budgeting responsibility falls more on the
shoulders of the non-alcoholic.
STAGE
THREE – Working gets in the way of my drinking.By
this time, he may have lost a job or two because he has neglected his
duties as an employee. Lunch hours will be drinking hours and usually
last longer than a normal hour. Leaving work early and not getting
home until well into the night is more common. No need to wait for
him to join you and the family for dinner, because when he does show
up he goes straight to bed to pass out. He will not be able to
account for most of his paycheck because he will lose it, give it
away or drink it away. His real friends will stop spending time with
him because he is not fun anymore. The only friends he has now are
the ones he met at the bar last night.
STAGE
FOUR – I think I have food poisoning. Employment is a faint memory.
His day starts with a cup of vodka and a coffee chaser. By noon, he
must take a nap because if he doesn’t he will fall down and pass
out wherever he is at the moment. His eating diminishes and he
complains that his stomach is always upset. His skin begins to turn a
jaundiced shade of yellow. Nosebleeds are commonplace and he will
pick at every sore on his body until they bleed. He no longer
contributes to the household responsibilities and the non-alcoholic
becomes a single parent. Since he’s incapable of driving to the
bars, the few friends he had are now no longer around. He is left
with only his family and their constant pleading for him to get help.
STAGE
FIVE – I want to see a doctor. He
knows there’s something wrong and thinks maybe a doctor can fix it.
But, he doesn’t want to stop drinking so the doctor must be able to
work some magic that will allow him to drink and get well at the same
time. He still does not understand that the drinking is what is
making him ill. He is probably sleeping during the day and awake at
night. His memory is all but gone and may confuse people, places and
times. He may not know for sure where he is or how he got there.
Inappropriate behavior may start occurring, i.e, using crude language
around very small children and/or not putting on pants while there
are visitors. No one wants to visit. Miraculously family members are
tolerant but disgusted by his behavior.
STAGE
SIX – Why bother to detox? The
only way to save his life is by detoxification. The liver is no
longer functioning at an optimal level and toxins are not being
removed from his blood stream. A result is a high level of ammonia
accumulating in his frontal lobe of the brain. His kidneys may be
shutting down and he may be bleeding internally. His skin and eyes
are a sickly yellow and may even become florescent. He is as
demanding as a three year old in an ice cream parlor. Irrational
reasoning and convoluted thinking become his daily entertainment. At
this stage, he is close to death’s door.
STAGE
SEVEN – You’re not going to make it. At
this point there are two choices – detox or not to detox. Detoxing
has its own risks and doesn’t mean the alcoholic will recover from
his self-abuse. Not detoxing is a certain death sentence. Neither
choice holds much hope. But, they are the only options on the table.
STAGE
EIGHT – In memoriam The
non-alcoholic is now grasping at vague memories of happier times so
that she will have something – anything – good to say at his
funeral. There are conflicting emotions – if he dies, it will be a
relief. It will be over. If he survives, the entire process could be
repeated. Or he could recover, rehab, and stop drinking – become a
happy productive member of society.
STAGE
NINE – What!! You’re still alive!! He
makes it through. It will still be a long road to recovery, but he
will be just fine. He decides to go to rehab because he realizes now
that he has been walking down the wrong path. The family is
ecstatically happy and they vow to aid in his rehabilitation. They
offer to do whatever it takes – to understand everything they
didn’t understand before. They want to support in his recovery.
STAGE
TEN – I must be selfish because I’m in recovery.A
regiment of 12-step meetings begins and nothing else matters. He’s
never available because he must go to a meeting. Tunnel vision
develops and 12-step groups become his only focus. He’s just as
unavailable as he was during drunkenness. But how can his supporters
do anything but support his quest for enlightenment?
STAGE
ELEVEN – I’m stronger than alcohol.
And
because I’m stronger than alcohol, I can have a beer or a glass of
wine with dinner. He believes he is invincible and the drinking
starts again. Small doses at first, then he is suddenly back to STAGE
FOUR or any of the other following stages. The first time the repeat
happens a feeling of disbelief that he could do this again is
shocking to the family.
STAGE
TWELVE – Haven’t we met before?
The
cycle continues from whatever stage he returns to after resumption of
drinking. It can resume at any stage. The more times he goes through
detox or rehabs the more likely that he will resume to a stage closer
to Stage Eight. It’s a never ending circle. The trick for the
non-alcoholic is to try not to be in the center of the circle while
it’s forming.
