Regrets
We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.We will comprehend the word serenity, and we will know peace. . .We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
- Alcoholics Anonymous, pp. 83-84
Peace and serenity are only unimaginable to those without the wings of faith.
S T E P S = Solutions Through Each Positive source
A Member Shares:
Hi AA family, I'm Peyton and I am a grateful alcoholic. I was full of boiling anger and resentments when I came to AA. Through working my Fourth Step, sharing it with my sponsor, I began to see my part in these things. And I became willing to forgive, mainly thru the help of God that I asked for; learning that those I felt had harmed me were doing the best they could with what they had to work with. Then I was looking at my own regrets -- things I'd done that hurt others. And that was a heavy burden. But thankfully, with Steps Six and Seven, I was able to let God start taking these things from me which had hurt others. Not all of them for sure, but a lot. And realized I had to accept myself and my past, because often I was doing the best (as a sick person; a sick alkie) that I could at this time. And in making amends, living the way I want to today, I can treat others in a different way, in the way I want. And that promise on page 83, “We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it” has come true for me many times.
Alcoholics
Anonymous.
From the "Big Book"
"Heaven knows, we have tried hard enough and long
enough to drink like other people. Here are some of the methods we have tried:
Drinking beer only, limiting the number of drinks, never drinking alone, never
drinking in the morning, drinking only at home, never having it in the house,
never drinking during business hours, drinking only at parties, switching from
scotch to brandy, drinking only natural wines, agreeing to resign if ever drunk
on the job, taking a trip, not taking a trip, swearing off forever (with and
without a solemn oath), taking more physical exercise, reading inspirational
books, going to health farms and sanitariums, accepting voluntary commitment to
asylums--we could increase the list ad infinitum."
He made up his mind that until he had been successful in
business and had retired, he would not touch another drop. An exceptional man,
he remained bone dry for twenty-five years and retired at the age of fifty-five
...Then he fell victim to a belief which practically every alcoholic has--that
his long period of sobriety and self-discipline had qualified him to drink as
other men. Out came his carpet slippers and a bottle. In two months he was in a
hospital, puzzled and humiliated.
"If anyone who is
showing inability to control his drinking can do the right-about-face and drink
like a gentleman, our hats are off to him. Heaven knows, we have tried hard
enough and long enough to drink like other people!”
"Physicians who are familiar with alcoholism agree
there is no such thing as making a normal drinker out of an alcoholic.
Science may one day accomplish this, but it hasn't done so yet."
"We are like men who have lost their legs; they
never grow new ones. Neither does there appear to be any kind of treatment
which will make alcoholics of our kind like other men. In some instances there
has been brief recovery, followed always by a still worse relapse."
"All of us felt at times that we were regaining
control, but such intervals--usually brief--were inevitably followed by still
less control which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization.
We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a
progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never
better."
"The idea that somehow, someday he will control and
enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The
persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of
insanity or death."
"Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were
real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different
from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers
have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like
other people."
"A certain American businessman had ability, good
sense, and high character. For years he had floundered from one sanitarium to
another. ...placing himself in the care of a celebrated physician...finished
his treatment with unusual confidence. His physical and mental condition were
unusually good. Above all, he believed he had acquired such a profound
knowledge of the inner workings of his mind and its hidden springs that relapse
was unthinkable. Nevertheless, he was drunk in a short time."
"The central fact of our lives today is the absolute
certainty that our Creator has entered into our hearts and lives in a way which
is indeed miraculous.
He has commenced to accomplish those things for us which
we could never do by ourselves."
"The great fact is just this, and nothing less: That
we have had deep and effective spiritual experiences which have revolutionized
our whole attitude toward life, toward our fellows and toward God's
universe."
"When, therefore, we were approached by those in
whom the problem had bee en solved, there was nothing left for us but to pick
up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at our feet. We have found much of
heaven and we have been rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence of which
we had not even dreamed."
"When this sort of thinking ifs fully established in
an individual with alcoholic tendencies, he has probably placed himself beyond
human aid, and unless locked up, may die or go permanently insane. These stark
and ugly facts have been confirmed by legions of alcoholics throughout history.
But for the grace of God, there would have been thousands more convincing
demonstrations. So many want to stop but cannot."
"The alcoholic may say to himself in the most casual
way, "It won't burn me this time, so here's how!" Or perhaps he doesn't
think at all. How often have some of us begun to drink in this nonchalant way,
and after the third or fourth, pounded on the bar and said to ourselves,
"For God's sake, how did I ever get started again?" Only to have that
thought supplanted by, "Well, I’ll stop with the sixth drink." Or
"What's the use anyhow?"
"The almost certain consequences that follow taking
even a glass of beer do not crowd into the mind to deter us. If these thoughts
occur, they are hazy and readily supplanted with the old threadbare idea that
this time we shall handle ourselves like other people. There is the complete
failure of the kind of defense that keeps one from putting his hand on a hot
stove."
"The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet
obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called will power
becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into
our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and
humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the
first drink."
"At a certain point in the drinking of every
alcoholic, he passes into a state where the most powerful desire to stop
drinking is of absolutely no avail. This tragic situation has already arrived
in practically every case long before it is suspected."
"Once in a while he (the alcoholic) may tell the
truth.
And the truth, strange to say, is usually that he has
no more idea why he took that first drink than you have.
Some drinkers have excuses with which they are satisfied part of the time.
But in their hearts they really do not know why they do it."
"Sometimes these excuses (from the alcoholic) have a
certain plausibility, but none of them really makes sense in the light of the
havoc an alcoholic's drinking bout creates. They sound like the philosophy of
the man who, having a headache, beats himself on the head with a hammer so that
he can't feel the ache. If you draw this fallacious reasoning to the attention
of an alcoholic, he will laugh it off, or become irritated and refuse to
talk."
"We know that while the alcoholic keeps away from
drink, as he may do for months or years, he reacts much like other men. We are
equally positive that once he takes any alcohol whatever into his system,
something happens, both in the bodily and mental sense, which makes it
virtually impossible for him to stop.
The experience of any alcoholic will abundantly confirm this."
"Opinions vary considerably as to why the alcoholic
reacts differently from normal people. We are not sure why, once a certain point is reached, little can be done for
him. We cannot answer the riddle."
"He often possesses special abilities, skills and
aptitudes, and has a promising career ahead of him. He uses his gifts to build
up a bright outlook for his family and himself, and then pulls the structure
down on his head by a senseless series of sprees, He is the fellow who goes to
bed so intoxicated he ought to seep the clock around. Yet early next morning he
searches madly for the bottle he misplaced the night before."
"Here is the fellow who has been puzzling you,
especially in his lack of control. He does absurd, incredible, tragic things
while drinking. He is a real Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. He is seldom mildly
intoxicated. He is always more or less insanely drunk. His disposition while
drinking resembles his normal nature but little. He may be one of the finest
fellows in the world. Yet let him drink for a day, and he frequently becomes
disgustingly, and even dangerously anti-social."
“But what about the real alcoholic? He may start off as a
moderate drinker; he may or may not become a continuous hard drinker; but at
some stage of his drinking career he begins to lose all control of his liquor
consumption, once he starts to drink."
"It (alcoholism) engulfs all whose lives touch the
sufferer's. It brings misunderstanding, fierce resentment, financial
insecurity, disgusted friends and employers, warped lives of blameless children,
sad wives and parents……..anyone can increase the list."
"An illness of this sort--and we have come to
believe it an illness--involves those about us in a way no other human sickness
can. If a person has cancer all are sorry for him and no one is angry or hurt.
But not so with the alcoholic illness, for with it there goes annihilation of
all the things worthwhile in life."
"The feeling of having shared in a common peril is
one element in the powerful cement which binds us. But that in it self would
never have held us together as we are now joined. The tremendous fact for every
one of us is that we have discovered a common solution. We have a way out on
which we can absolutely agree, and upon which we can join in brotherly and
harmonious action.”
"...the ex-problem drinker who has found this
solution, who is properly armed with facts about himself, can generally win the
entire confidence of another alcoholic in a few hours. Until such an
understanding is reached, little or nothing can be accomplished."
