What is Addiction?

What is Addiction?

If say in one sentence anything taken to an extreme can became an Addiction.
First off all let’s have a look at the types of Addictions/substance abuses.
The following list of addictions is just a partial list.

 

Addictions List

A - Addictions beginning with A

Alcohol

 

A common addiction which seems acceptable in social situations! But is very progressive?

Also a sugar addiction as alcohol and sugar are similar in chemical makeup and synthesize in the body in similar ways.

A depressant type drug which leads to very complicated and repetitive depressions.

Aspirin

Usually acceptable for small pains and fevers and taken in small dosages for heart health, Excesses of intake leads to Addiction, are not good.

Aerosol sniffing

Action - any activity that is risky and produces adrenalin

Adrenalin

The body self produces this 'fight or flight' drugs. Does progressive need greater risks to achieve the same feeling?

Amphetamines, Anti Depressants

Addiction to prescribed medications is quite common, because a series of educated professionals have been involved in the process of this addiction it is quite hard to stop.

Often depressions occur as a result of caffeine, nicotine, alcohol and/or sugar addictions. These root addictions need to be addressed to achieve good recovery.

Anti Depressants generally are designed to trigger the release of a self produced hormonal drug called serotonin which is the feel good drug produced by the body. The addiction to the anti depressant is actually an addiction to the self produced drug serotonin. Good recovery will include ways to naturally trigger the serotonin. One way of doing this is included in the 12 step way of recovery - particularly in the 12th step - by doing random acts of kindness.

Art

Getting high to produce better art is common. Also the lifestyle of an impoverished artist can be addictive.

Collecting art one can not afford may create adrenalin like compulsive shopping or gambling.

Asthma

A condition that is often worsened by the addiction to the rescue medication

Adrenalin is produced when the asthmatic fights for the next breath to the point where life threatening experiences become regular and no longer cause the body to produce the required adrenalin.

Attention

Authority

Auto Racing

B - Addictions beginning with B

Bulimia

Purging excess calories from a binge by vomiting or over exercising the actual addiction is to the eating part…Often sugar addiction.

Barbiturates

A common drug addiction

Betting

Gamblers get a high from the adrenalin produced by their bodies while in action. The larger the risk the greater the amount of adrenalin Bestiality

Sex with animals to produce adrenalin and endorphins present in sex situations. Carries a great deal of guilt and shame in today's religious society

Guilt and shame also produces addictive adrenalin directly in the body.

C - Addictions beginning with C

Colas

Many soft drinks contain large amounts of addictive sugar and caffeine which create mood swings and may be diagnosed as polar or other manic behavioral disorders.

Sugar assimilates in the body the same way alcohol does and is a strong depressant.

Symptoms of sugar addiction are often heavy depressions and manic behavior.

Codependency

An adrenalin addiction caused by living in chaos

Codependents will often force crisis to get another supply of adrenalin

Codependents often hide their more socially acceptable addictions behind another persons addictions

All addicts are co dependents as well

Cocaine and Crack Cocaine

A common powerful and illegal street drug High is produced from the drug and as well the illegal activity produces adrenalin

Caffeine

Produces a high when coffee, tea, soft drinks or chocolate are consumed

Usually socially acceptable but it is progressive and the body requires more drug to get same feeling over time

Usually combined with sugar for an even greater high

Like any high the resulting lows are present and cause severe depressions and mood swings

Coin collecting

Usually a nice hobby but any hobby can become a compulsion in the hands of a multiple addict Expensive and can produce a gamblers adrenalin high by overestimating the value of finds

Adrenalin is addictive and progressive so greater finds must be made.

Crime

Pure adrenalin in its highest form when life or reputation is threatened Addictive in those higher risks must be taken to achieve the same high.Very difficult cycle to interrupt as punishments also produce life threatening experiences which keep the addiction going.

Coffee

Produces a caffeine high when consumed Usually socially acceptable but it is progressive and the body requires more drug to get same feeling over time Usually combined with sugar for an even greater high

Like any high the resulting lows are present and cause severe depressions and mood swings Depressions associated with coffee addictions are often misdiagnosed and simply add heavy medications to the addicts’ life.

Withdrawal from caffeine is about four days of flue like symptoms which is relatively short if cut out completely and compared to years of taking anti depressants.

D - Addictions beginning with D

Drugs

Illegal Street drugs produce various highs as well as adrenalin highs associated with illegal activities. Prescription drugs for depression related disorders often medicate symptoms when the root causes may be simple sugar and caffeine addictions

Many over the counter drugs contain large amounts of sugar as well which add to depressions and manic behaviors Some medical drugs are helpful of course.

Drunk Driving

Adrenalin high produced by the high risk illegal activity of drinking and driving. Extremely high risk as life is usually at stake.

Diuretics

Eating disorder associated addiction Produces adrenalin which gives a feeling of power over ones self

E - Addictions beginning with E

Ego

You name it!

Exercising (excessive)

Adrenalin and endorphins produced Addictive and progressive in that more exertion must be accomplished to achieve the same high

Endorphins

A healthy drug produced in the body and brain Unhealthy sex, porn, crime, gambling and exercise addictions are symptoms of this basic drug addiction

F - Addictions beginning with F

Fantasizing (excessive) as opposed to dreaming,

Food addiction

Usually associated with the results of cravings caused by sugar addiction Artificial sweeteners are appetite enhancers and cause huge cravings Excessive food can act as dull feelings

Fetishes

Adrenalin addiction caused by self created adrenalin induced by the fear or fantasy

G - Addictions beginning with G

Gambling

Gamblers get a high from the adrenalin produced by their bodies while in action. The larger the risk the greater the amount of adrenalin

H - Addictions beginning with H

Heroin and Opium

Husbands/Wives (relationships),

I - Addictions beginning with I

Isolation, Imagination

A good characteristic in most cases, but a luxury for an early recovering addict ... and a self destructive minefield for a practicing addict Living in "your head" is common amongst all addicts

One statistic is that addicts do approximately 80,000 words of self talk per day - so this addicted ' head ' is a very busy place One saying in 12 step programs is that the head is like 'a dangerous neighborhood, do not go there alone' The lack of reliable structure in today's daily life leaves a lot of room for imaginative research

Internet

Many addictions are available on the internet Sex, Porn, gambling, relationships to name a few Most porn and gambling activities produce adrenalin which is highly addictive.

J - Addictions beginning with J

Joking about serious matters

Hiding behind humor is usually a codependent family behavior

Job (workaholism)

An addiction to the controllable living space afforded by work Provides the endorphins associated with being appreciated Junk collecting

K - Addictions beginning with K

Kinky sex - see sex addiction below

Kleptomania

A form of adrenalin addiction where a high is produced by the illegal act of theft

L - Addictions beginning with L

Lust

Laziness

Love

Lacquer thinners

Liquor

M - Addictions beginning with M

Masturbation

Masochism,

Meetings (as in hiding in meeting)

Men

Marriage

Muscle Relaxants

Marijuana

N - Addictions beginning with N

Nicotine

Narcotics

O - Addictions beginning with O

Over achieving

Over eating

Usually affiliated with sugar addiction

Over working

Over anything can become an addiction

Occult

P - Addictions beginning with P

Prayer (without action)

Pleasure

Phobias

Blocked energy due to overwhelmed or unidentifiable feelings which produce 'fight or flight' adrenalin within the body sometimes caused by unresolved grief

Abusive situations may also be a phobia breeding ground as family or others who should be trusted are not trustworthy leaving gaps in an individual’s structure system.

Prescription Drugs

Addiction or dependence upon prescribed medications. Commonly, though not always, is within the mood modifying drug family. Giving up the long dependencies on prescribed drugs is best done with the help of medical professionals and sometimes requires a detoxification facility to ease unpredictable withdrawal symptoms

Pornography

People Pleasing

Perfectionism

Pain Killers

Q - Addictions beginning with Q

Quintessential Behavior (perfectionism)... sorry had to have aQ :)

R - Addictions beginning with R

Religion

It is wise to examine ones attitudes in all areas. Relationships - Click here for relationships page Racetrack betting and action

Risky behaviors

Sports or work related high risk ventures Adrenalin addiction caused by receiving large doses of self produced adrenalin

S - Addictions beginning with S

Sex Addiction

In abusive or negative forms sex can be an adrenalin addiction caused by receiving large amounts of self produced adrenalin

Adrenalin addiction is a progressive addiction where exciting events become usual and greater excitement must be reached to produce the same high.

This is dangerous when sex acts are used to produce the adrenalin as abusive situations may occur

Sexuality is often confusing and care must be taken to not block sexual energy, which is necessary to achieve a positive energy flow through the body.

Sadism

Adrenalin addiction caused receiving self produced adrenalin in a slave /master situation Common in codependent relationships

Satanism

Adrenalin addiction caused by receiving large doses of self produced adrenalin leading up to and during highly charged rituals or ceremonies

In extreme cases where sacrificial ceremonies occur the adrenalin is increased by ingesting still more highly concentrated adrenalin found in blood of freshly sacrificed animal.

The combined high is often thought to be spiritual when it is actually double dosing on adrenalin

Smoking

Addiction to nicotine and other addictive substances present in tobacco, marijuana, cocaine, opium and other sources

The smoked substances also sometimes include other hidden addictive substances to make them an even larger rush and a more marketable product.

Shopping

Serotonin - the self produced drug of choice for manic depression and bipolar folks

SELF – ego

Self Help Books, programs

Self Mutilation

Spotlights (see fame)

Sniffing Solvents

Sleeping

Sleeping Pills

Shock Treatments

Speed

Steroids

T - Addictions beginning with T

Torturing - emotionally or physically - Power addiction

Television

Therapy - codependency as opposed to getting on with life.

Thinners

Thrills

Tobacco

Tramadol

Tranquilizers

Travel

Trichotillomania - Pulling out own hair compulsively.

U - Addictions beginning with U

Ultram - Narcotic Like Pain Reliever aka Tramadol Underachieving

V - Addictions beginning with V

Valium

Vandalism

Vicodin - watch some old shows of the series "House!"

Video

Video Games

Violence

Voodoo

Vomiting - see Bulimia

Voyeurism

W - Addictions beginning with W

Wealth

Weed

Weightlifting

Women

Work

Wheat Flour – Carbohydrates

X - Addictions beginning with X

X-box - see Gaming

XXX Movies and Magazines

Y - Addictions beginning with Y

Young Sex

Z - Addictions beginning with Z

Zoo sex (sex with animals)

 

This addictions list excerpt is adapted from the writings of Addictionz.com. Concerning anger and addiction, to Help to identify causes like Adrenalin and endorphins associated with high risk behaviors, Help to establish a effective support group to assist with arresting this behavior, Help to establish a workable time frame to achieve the goal of stopping drinking and driving, Helpful Hints on how to Grieve the loss of this behavior, Help to maintain the ability to not drink/do Drugs.

This list of addictions is provided as a reference for multiple addicts to allow them to more quickly realize the full extent of their dependencies.

Not all addicts will be addicted to the same things, many blends, combinations and permutations will exist simultaneously with the multiple addict. As well, all addictions usually start with a positive result but end up becoming a commitment in themselves.

Now the brief description of the first question,

What is Addiction?

Addiction is, by its very nature, a wily opponent. Ask any compulsive gambler, an adrenalin addict whose addictive chemicals are entirely self produced, if they wanted to lose the 'entire farm' to get their high from gambling. The answer will typically be a very sad no.The body will do some very tricky things to get the chemicals it craves, including rearranging thought and emotional processes.

Hence an anxiety attack can sometimes be 'conjured up' by the body to gain access to the drug dosage from both the self produced drug adrenalin and the prescribed medication, alcohol or street drug.

Since effects of a conjured up anxiety attack are exactly the same effects as an authentic one, the difference between the two is not important.

The drugs are the same in both instance and the withdrawal cycle repeats itself by enabling more anxiety symptoms. Simply recognizing the possibility of the above statements sheds an entirely new light on the concept of addiction.

Is it entirely symptomatic?

Definitely not! But the recovery process is definitely confused and hampered by the roadblocks that the addiction and withdrawal cycles introduce to the equation. Especially since they are very often unnoticed

Ok let’s see what fuels to Addiction?

Addiction/compulsivity in many ways, several of the relationships between anger and addiction are listed below.

1. Acting-out in addiction can be passive-aggressive way of “getting back” at somebody else.

2. Unresolved anger toward a parent, spouse, perpetrator of violence/abuse can “fuel” destructive impulses within the addiction.

3. Being passive with anger fuels shame, which in turn fuels addiction.

4. Intense anger can distort rationale though processes allowing decisions to be made that set one up for relapse

5. Anger combined with being in a victim role can lead to “destructive entitlement” in which one feels justified in victimizing somebody else (cheating on spouse, verbally assaulting somebody, going through partner’s notebook from therapy, etc.).

6. Anger can be an emotional wall, which inhibits intimacy, which can result in loneliness and therefore, an impulse to act out.

7. Anger can result in a disinhibition of moral values allowing one to engage in addictive behaviors he/she otherwise would not consider doing (e.g. going to a topless bar), resulting in a need to “stir up the pot” of conflict/anger to silence the part of self that says “don’t do this, it isn’t right!”

8. Fear of another person’s anger can result in the avoidance of conflict and turning to the addiction for a means of escaping the negative consequences of unresolved conflict.

9. Fear of one’s own anger or the belief anger is “bad”, can result in the use of the addiction to avoid the experience of anger, or to avoid becoming aggressive.

10. Anger used to assertively set boundaries, allows for the development and maintenance of healthy self-esteem and true intimacy, which are crucial for recovery.

11. Anger directed at the messages and behaviors that led to shame, fear, and modeling of destructive coping mechanisms, can result in a rejection of those beliefs/behaviors and a true healing of related emotional wounds.

12. Anger expressed openly/honestly/assertively within relationships can allow for a deeper intimacy to emerge, allowing addiction to become “less necessary.”

Is Addiction Recovery Possible?

Yes of course, It is tremendously gratifying on so many levels to watch a dejected, lost soul emerge from their drugged cocoon and morph spiritually into a productive member of society capable of living within a renewed belief system. These folks, if they tend to their recovery properly and continue to put good things into their lives, will eventually even be able to be spiritually present in relationships as well.

Often their addictions started when they were very young, so much maturing will be necessary. The process is uphill though and is very gratifying. This site is meant to give assistance and hope to folks who have been encountering roadblocks in their recovery.

True addiction recovery lies in the ability to deal with root issues, not simply medicate the symptoms of them."

You do not have to carry yesterday's hurt and damaged feelings into today.

A fresh supply of new feelings is yours for the taking!

"There is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path!"

A great tool for Addictions and Relationship Counselors Use it yourself as part of your Step 4 or to find yourself in a muddled up codependent relationship

The cycle of Addiction and Codependency with alcoholics or any other type of addict requires three main people/groups of people:

The Enablers:

Those who allow /excuse/ finance/ bailout the alcoholic/addict.

The Persecutors:

Those who stir up the pot in order to put the alcoholic/addict on the defense and look for a way out of the pain.

The Victims:

Those who wallow in the excuse that someone is abusing/picking on/insulting/not recognizing their good qualities.

In the normal cycle of addicted relationships the enablers, the persecutors and the victims occupy all these roles at various times and to varying degrees - the fact that all persons switch roles makes it very difficult to assess anything until a crisis occurs.

There are currently over 1000 different self help organizations, some undoubtedly more effective than others. Most do not have fees but may pass the kitty for a few coins to help them pay room rent etc. Consult your local telephone directory to or contact your local crisis line, check community listings or ask your doctor for a recommendation. If all else fails call a local AA office, they can usually point you in the right direction.

Addiction Recovery cases vary according to the type and source of the addiction. What ever the addiction the fastest way to a solid recovery is by using a slow and steady approach.

An addiction is described as a three fold disease.

Chemical

Emotional

Spiritual

The recipe for great recovery from addiction requires a balance of physical and emotional abstinence, a pinch of spiritual growth and a 1/2 a cup of common sense:

Keep in contact with people who have good recovery. Even the saints/scientists’  has advisors so why wouldn't you.

Take advantage of all proper recovery assistance that is available to you.

Attend and get involved with 12 step meetings on a regular basis, if you don't like the group you are at, try another. For fledgling 12 step members an open AA meeting is always helpful.

Watch for other addictions. If your recovery isn't going too well, the chances are good that you may have additional addictions in action. It is also very common for recovering addicts to simply switch addictions. Find positive addictions.

Look after the little things, the big things always will look after themselves!

Emotional Maintenance

“Defrag” your brain and clear out the old emotional files (e-files): Write a wish list and keep it in a safe place.

Write an accomplished this year list and keep it in a safe place.

Use a time management tool of some sort and clear out the accomplishments at the end of each day, more often on especially cluttered days. Credit yourself for all accomplishments

Write a jot list of your current feelings at any given moment, make sure you are not feeling someone else's feelings or putting your feelings in politically correct categories. Throw this list away as you get fresh new feelings every day, no need to hang on to the old damaged ones.

Write a list of recovery goals that you would like to achieve and keep it in a safe place.

Archive your past memories and associated feelings by collecting all the photos you have or can acquire about your life to date, put them in order in a photo album. This can free up a great amount of space in your personal operating memory and allow you to go forward in your recovery, quicker.

 

Five simple rules of happiness:

1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.

 

5 Stages of Grief
1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Non-Acceptance

Best Wishes on your recovery journey.

Is Gamblers Recovery Possible

Yah; there is a saying “Nothing is Impossible.”

 

“On the road of our recovery we are confronted by many obstacles, some are obvious and some are harder to spot, they even come disguised as assets.”

Keep an open mind.
Keep an open mind—it does not hurt and who knows, it could change your life, “one day at a time”.
We have tried to cover some of these obstacles. They are all based on our own experiences. We ask you to have an open mind, and sincerely hope that it will help you in your resolve to stay away from the next bet one day at a time.
Keep an open mind. - It can easily be misunderstood by those who are still in that frame of mind of not wanting to be told what to do, or of simply being afraid of the consequences.
For example newer members are often recommended to put all their salary into the home so that their partner or parent’s should know exactly what they earn and so that a proper budget can be implemented.
“No way!” is the immediate thought, “If I give all my earnings to my partner/parent’s I will be left with nothing.”
Or you will hear the suggestion that a member should look a little closer at the Recovery Programme and try to add some of it to their lives.
Once again, comes the negative thought, “Who needs this programme?
I am doing OK, I don’t gamble, I attend meetings, what more do they want?” What “they” want is the best for you.
An open mind means being prepared to believe that the other person could be right. It also means having a willingness to try, within reason, methods that GA members may suggest to you.
Over a period of many years GA has developed methods that have proved successful for many compulsive gamblers.
In the first step of our Recovery Programme
“We admit that we are powerless over gambling and that our lives had become unmanageable and so keeping an open mind” means being ready to accept help to get back the management of our lives.
We only have to listen to ourselves speaking in our therapy to agree that our old way of thinking was wrong and that maybe the GA way as suggested in their booklet is the right way.

Complacency
There are three times when we should pay this illness all the respect that it is due.
The first is when we feel good and strong and things are going well for us.
The second is when we are down and things are not going our way.
The third is all the times between.
At any GA meeting, ask the members present the following question;
“Stand up those of you who are not complacent?” Everyone will jump to their feet.
Strange condition this complacency! No one admits to being complacent. Isn’t this the very nature of complacency itself, to never believe you are complacent but to easily identify it in others?

Ask yourself these questions.
Do you still continue to look in and review the Recovery Programme?
Is your answer that you used to look at it daily, but now you are more experienced and no longer need to? That’s complacency.
Do you feel that you are ahead of the newer member in understanding of the GA way, and cannot learn from them? That’s complacency!
Do you believe that you have learnt more than some of the older members, forgetting that it was they who helped in your early recovery? That’s complacency!
There are so many different faces of complacency,
One thing for sure about complacency is that it is very easy to spot in others—but difficult to spot (or accept) in ourselves.

Short Memory
Keep telling your story at your GA meeting and remind yourself of what brought you through the doors in the first place.
We assume that you have passed the "90 day" mark.
You may or may not be free of gambling at this time, but let’s assume that you are.
Life is a little bit better—the pain that brought you to GA is beginning to ease.
Very soon, if you are not careful, you will wonder if it was ever there at all.
You will forget the pain. If you get to this stage there is a real danger that you will go back out there and get some more pain. So many times we have heard members say to a new member at his first meeting, "If only I could keep your therapy on tape and play it back to you when your memory fades."
The Short memory seems to be a characteristic of the compulsive gambler.
How many times did we gamble all our money away, suffer the pain of defeat and the agony of reality only to be lifted to the highest levels full of sheer joy when we laid our hands on more money or had the occasional win. Instantly our past troubles were forgotten. "This time it will be different." It never is. It always ends with the same result—misery and pain.

No Short Cuts to Recovery
Don’t look for shortcuts. You don’t need any.
Enjoy recovery, one day at a time.
Common to all compulsive gamblers is impatience.
We wanted all the good things in life yesterday. We were always on the lookout for short cuts, the easy way to get things; hence we took the easiest way we knew—gambling, and always fell flat on our faces.
Recovery within our fellowship requires a different attitude. It can’t be had overnight—there are no short cuts.
Look at members who have been several years free from gambling, one may even be your sponsor. Their life is good, they have peace of mind, their relationships are good, and they seem to have the answers to most situations and conduct themselves in a calm confident manner.
You can’t help but admire members such as this, and you can’t help wanting what they have got. Have you taken the shortcut and simply pretend to be like them? This is truly a shortcut back to gambling.
Others, the fortunate ones, discover that the only way to a lasting recovery is to take the long route, which requires an honest effort and a desire to get the Recovery Programme into their lives.
Some wise person once said, “There is no gain without pain.” Ask any member who has had some genuine recovery in their lives and they will tell you, they took the tried and tested route. They made the changes, however long it took. They made amends wherever possible. They took the Steps of Recovery starting with Number One and worked their way through them all one by one.
At this point you may be thinking to yourself, "But I came into this fellowship to get some peace and happiness back into my life, some respect and self respect, now you are telling me it will take years of hard work."
Don’t be despondent. You will find if you are on the true road to recovery, which each day will bring you joy, each achievement however small will strengthen your resolve to do more and the rewards will touch every department of your life.

Involvement
There is so much work to be done for this fellowship that anyone wanting involvement can be guaranteed as much or as little work as they want for as long as they want.
"Get involved"
"Involvement is the answer"
"Why don’t you get involved?"
These words are often heard in GA meetings and members who are not involved themselves nod in agreement, without having a clue what "involvement" means. They think to themselves,
"Where is this involvement? What is it? How do I get involved?" or sadly, "What's the benefit to me of involvement?"
One member told us about his early days in the fellowship. He wanted to be involved but his life as a compulsive gambler had warped his way of thinking so much that he thought that those members who were involved on committees etc. were hand picked by some unknown bunch of elders. He could not believe that they would let him become involved.
So he set out to get involved in smaller ways. He helped to get the room ready for meetings; he made the tea, and helped clear up afterwards. He learnt how to give talks by going with older members. He went on Twelve Step calls. He visited other groups.
He made phone calls. Eventually he began to feel a part of the fellowship.
As the years passed he went on from being group secretary to doing almost every job in the fellowship right up to National Secretary.
He is still gambling free and will tell you how much his achievement came from this involvement. He will tell you today that involvement is there for anyone who wants it; all you have to do is ask someone you see who is enjoying his involvement.
They will welcome you with open arms.

Comparison—Envy
Comparison is for competitors, but in this fellowship of ours there is no place for competition, no prize for the top dog, and no dismissal for those of us who are not yet free from gambling.
No matter how long we have been in this fellowship and no matter how long we have been free from gambling we still find ourselves comparing ourselves with others.
"No harm in this", you may say, "comparison is natural—everybody does it." But everybody does not have the complex make-up of the compulsive gambler.
Suppose we compare ourselves to one of those very fortunate members for whom everything seems to go very well. A long time free from gambling, stable home life, successful at work, and all the trappings of success - nice home, holidays abroad, money in the bank, in other words very secure.
If we don’t match up we may ask ourselves, "Why? I work hard at my programme, I work hard every day at my job, and I work hard at building relationships with my family. In other words I give it my all and yet I don’t get the rewards this other member gets, it’s not fair."
If we get to this kind of thinking, we are in trouble, we are discontented, we are envious, and we are full of self-pity. These are conditions a compulsive gambler must avoid. Instead, let’s open our eyes to the many blessings we do have and not be blinded by the glitter of the other person’s gold.
On the other hand, we may compare ourselves to the member who has very little in the way of material things and whose home life seems to be in regular turmoil. There are frequent bouts of gambling and in general this member is not very successful at what we call recovery. If we put in any effort, however slight, it is not very hard to come out in a favorable light when we compare ourselves to this member.
Remember there will always be greater and lesser persons than us. We should enjoy our own achievements and be glad for those who have achieved greater things, and for those less fortunate than ourselves we should put out the hand of friendship and offer them the knowledge of our experience.

Responsibility
We have been irresponsible for a long time and it takes some time to get back on the right road. There is an old saying in GA: "Nothing is forever." “I’ve stopped gambling for a while, so where is all the money I used to have for gambling? Why am I no better off?”
Throughout our gambling years most of us ignored the responsibilities of life, interested only in our own devious means of feeding our addiction. We were oblivious to the facts that bills had to be paid, children (if we had them) had to be fed and clothed, and all the other responsibilities had to be faced.
Have we overlooked the fact that a lot of the money we used for gambling was stolen, or that it was money that should have been used to pay the household bills, etc?
So, as part of our recovery, we need to re-educate ourselves in the art of handling our finances and responsibilities.
In the early days some of us were so far out of touch we did not know where or how to begin. Our partner or someone close to us was a great help. Some of us started our recovery by handling no money at all, gradually easing into it as we began our recovery on a daily basis.
Recovery is not about abdicating from our responsibilities and shoving them upon someone else’s shoulders.
We must learn to become responsible members of society, but we must be careful in the early days, not rushing it, not becoming overconfident.
Getting help from our partner (if we have one) our sponsor and other GA members.
Honesty Take it easy—honesty will come into your life if you let it.
Dishonesty and compulsive gambling go hand in hand. Have you or anyone else ever seen an active compulsive gambler who is honest? We doubt it.
In GA rooms all over the world you will hear the word “honesty” a lot, it is a virtue we feel we should strive for, and yet it is difficult to bring it into our lives.
Bringing honesty into your life is not easy—thinks just how long you have lived comfortably with dishonesty.
In any GA meeting you could find twenty different degrees of honesty—everyone recovers at their own pace. Each person is at a different stage of recovery and the degrees of honesty will vary from one member to another.
The general opinion of most GA members is that we must first of all be honest with ourselves. This is at least a starting point.
As each of us recovers on a daily basis, and at our own pace, we find that in spite of ourselves we are making gradual changes in our lives. These changes affect every department of our lives, our thoughts, our attitude, our emotions, and finally our honesty. These changes are from within so they are long lasting.
One member told us that when he was gambling and even for a spell after he came to GA and stopped gambling, he still could not stop stealing from his father’s jacket,  he also told us that there came a point in his recovery when he knew he was making some progress because he no longer went looking for his jacket. Eventually he stopped stealing.
Another member, free from gambling, told us that he would go home in the evening and tell stories of his fantastic day when in reality his day had been pretty dull and ordinary. Gradually as recovery and honesty came in to his life he would go home and if he described a fantastic day, then this time it was true!

 

Personality Clashes
we need all the friends we can get.
So far we have touched on some of the dangers to your recovery. This one we believe, through our experience is one of the most dangerous. So many members over the years have left the fellowship and trundled back down that road that leads to misery using the excuse, whether real or not, of a bad personality clash.
In any event it is something we do not need. As we have said before, we compulsive gamblers are complex characters, we can be very immature, we sometimes suffer from self-pity and we become resentful at the drop of a hat. Mix all these characters defects and add a few more and what have you’re got? Someone who is looking for a personality to clash with.
What steps can you take to ensure that you don’t fall victim to this dangerous situation? Firstly you must try to keep an open mind. If you disagree with another member either at a GA meeting or outside, don’t go away and stew on if for a few days thinking only from your point of view. If you do this, you may get even angrier and before you know it you are bang in the middle of a personality clash. This can lead to all sorts of problems.
You may decide to avoid the meetings the other member attends and if the member attends many meetings in your area you have an even bigger problem. You may decide to seek them out at a meeting for another verbal attack and succeed only in disrupting the meeting. The meeting will no doubt let you know! You may then clash with the whole group. And on and on it goes until it is you against the world once more.
The best way to deal with this is to approach the member in person or on the telephone, keeping an open mind and seeing the issue from both sides.

Compassion
Compassion comes from knowing how the other person feels and who more than us know how a new or struggling member feels. Carry this message well and you will be rewarded in the same way as we were, when we carried the message to you.
You may be one of the very fortunate members who came into the fellowship just at the right time in your life, when you had reached rock bottom and had a real desire to stop gambling. You will be keen to carry this newfound message of hope to others less fortunate than yourself. You have a rare gift, a gift that kings, queens and heads of state rarely possess. You have been there. You have walked in your brother's shoes. Handle it with great care or you could lose it.
In attempting to carry this message to a fellow sufferer we give a lot of ourselves in the process and sometimes when we don’t get the expected feedback we get very frustrated and when this frustration turns to anger we almost always lose the ability to help this particular member.
Remember each GA member is an individual. We are not all clones of each other. We all respond in different ways to different things.We must have compassion when we are dealing with a new or struggling member. Without this essential ingredient we are cold and this is conveyed to the other member. When this happens we find we have been of little or no help.
Remember some are sicker than others; it may take them a little more time to get this programme into their lives. In helping others your inner strength will grow and in turn your compassion will deepen.

Double Standards
Tell it as it is. And your recovery will be steady and sure.
You suffer from an illness that progressively got worse until you reached your personal rock bottom and sought help from GA. Your recovery is also gradual—progressing on a daily basis. This means that your character defects won’t go away overnight, they will still be there and it is your task to work away at them one day at a time and to be satisfied with your progress.
But, be warned not to fall into the trap of telling other members how to run their lives and rid themselves of certain character defects, allowing them to believe that you yourself have overcome these problems. Don’t preach a brand of honesty that you don’t have yourself. You are one in the glass; you know how it is, so tell it that way.
Admit that you struggle in certain areas of your life.
You are amongst people who have been there, or are there, and they will only admire your honesty. Also, you can do untold damage to other members if they discover you have been telling lies, you can undermine the whole fellowship for them, they ask themselves, "If this member is lying who else is?"

 

Higher Power
These doors are open to anyone with a desire to stop gambling, theist, atheists or agnostics; this programme works equally well for all types, including you.
The mere mention of God or a Higher Power seems to frighten some newer members. Why?
Well we believe that they may think that GA is a religious fellowship and that we will eventually get around to preaching to them.
Nothing could be further from the truth. When we speak of a Higher Power we mean a power greater than us and let’s face it, when we come through the doors of GA that would not be hard to find. In the first step of recovery we admitted that we were powerless over gambling, so obviously gambling was a power greater than us. On entering GA, we find ourselves amongst a group of people who are together beating gambling on a daily basis; surely there is a power at work here. In step two we eventually come to believe that this power can restore us to a normal way of thinking and living, and in step three we are asked to make a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of this power. Maybe you will ask yourself, "Is this power GA itself?" If you are comfortable with this then so be it.
This fellowship is designed for you and your needs.
Whatever your beliefs there is a place for you. No one demands that you believe in a God – if you do that’s fine too. No one will argue with you.

Procrastination
Get it done today, because this is the only day there is.
“Never do today what you can leave until tomorrow.” Some very unwise person once made this statement.
Procrastination is something everyone suffers from, from time to time. Strangely enough some of the greatest procrastinators we know are compulsive gamblers (I wonder why we left this article to last!).
Changes–I will change later. Debts–I will see to them tomorrow. An extra meeting–I will get one in next week. And so on and so on, always another day.
When we join GA those of us who had a genuine desire for a better life free from gambling seemed to get down to tackling the major problems from the outset, but many of us neglected those “little” problems saying we would deal with them later. But little problems to a compulsive gambler have a habit of developing into big problems.
Procrastinators will use any excuse: I am too tired; I am too busy; I am not in the right frame of mind just now. Some cunning ones will even say, “I practise one day at a time.” Just let me get through this one day without any hassle and I will do it all tomorrow.
The best and most rewarding way is to deal with each little problem as it arises, and be in control of your life. You won’t have those little problems niggling away at your brain. You won’t have people, partners, sponsors, and GA members constantly asking you if you have done this or that yet. And most importantly you won’t have little problems growing into big problems that you can’t face and possibly leading you back to gambling.

Just for Today I will have a programme
Providing we do not gamble we have nothing to fear in our new life.
By having a daily programme of things to do we can avoid the problems of forgetfulness, indecision and haste. It is very important that we keep ourselves occupied so that we do not become bored and seek excitement by going back to gambling. If by the end of the day we have not accomplished all of the items on our list, then these should be put at the top of the next day’s schedule.
Just for Today I will have a quiet half-hour all by myself and relax.
It is important, in the hectic world in which we live that we make time each day to relax and try to get a better perspective of our lives. During this half-hour we can try to get an understanding of our illness and what is required to maintain and improve our recovery. This means looking not only at the areas of weakness but also our strengths.

Just for Today I will be unafraid
Fear is a negative emotion that can stifle our recovery. When we were afraid it prevented us from being able to do a thorough financial and moral inventory of ourselves. It stopped us making the list of all those we had harmed, and from actually making amends.
We could not accept the concept of a higher power, let alone be able to hand over our will and lives to it.
Fear of rejection hampered our willingness to be honest and to be open about ourselves to those around us. This led to even more problems when the truth eventually came out.

Think Think Think big

Think Think Think big

"I like thinking big. If you're going to be thinking anything,
you might as well think big."
Self-Mastery is the ability to make the most out of your physical, mental, and spiritual health. To be the best you can be... At anything. Everything
"Once you reach this level, you put your life onto an upward spiral of self-esteem, self-discipline, and persistence until you eventually become......like a force of nature."

We've been conditioned to think small, simplify, not to be greedy, and to overall expect less and demand less from life. We’ve been taught that we should be happy and thankful with what we have and that there are many others less fortunate than ourselves.

video curtsy: Balakrishna Adinurthy. Director at CARE.  

I read somewhere that, as an experiment, someone put two adverts in a newspaper. They were for the same job, doing the same work with the same hours, but one of them offered to pay a salary many times the other. Guess what? About ten times more people applied for the lower paid job! People think small. And that's one of the reasons they fail.
Most people are afraid of thinking big, they're scared to be successful, scared to be rich. For most people, being rich is a pleasant dream, but they're comfortable with the dream - it's nice and it makes them feel good. But truly successful and wealthy people take it to the next level - they are committed to being rich, to being successful, and they're prepared to keep on keeping on until the dream becomes reality.
You can have anything you want - ask for it, choose it, be committed to it. Start thinking big. Ask for MORE. Life is like that - by its very nature it grows, it evolves, it seeks to be more than it is, it acquires. That's not a bad thing. The bad thing is that we've been taught to be small and to accept less. The tragedy of many people's lives is that they think there's not enough to go round and they mustn't take more than their fair share. But there is enough - enough money and enough success and enough of everything - the universe never runs out, it just keeps on making more and more. What a pity we don't ask for it! The more you get, the more you can inspire others, you more you can share, the more you can contribute to everyone around you, the more you can enrich the world.
There is a quote I love, often misattributed to Nelson Mandela but actually from A Course in Miracles, which summarizes all of this

"Our worst fear is not that we are inadequate; our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God; your playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us. It is not just in some of us, it is in everyone, and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
What a wonderful quotation! You can do and be anything you want. There are no limits. That's the power of thinking big

How can Family Members help their Loved One with a Drug or Alcohol Problem?

Video courtesy youtube

Possibly, I'm not totally sure how it would be best to divvy up, and even if I want to. I do somewhat understand the pain and suffering of addiction is not limited to the alcoholic or drug addict. Family members share a tremendous burden as well.  Shame, guilt, fear, worry, anger, and frustration are common. Everyday feelings for family members, concerned about a loved one’s drinking or drug use.  In most cases, the family has endured the brunt of the consequences for the loved ones addiction, including the stress of worry, financial costs, and life adjustments made to accommodate the addicted person’s lifestyle.

Loving a drug addict or an alcoholic can be one of the most frightening and upsetting experiences people can go through. The goal, however, is to help the addict and not sustain his way of life. The only thing that will help an addict is getting off the drugs. It sounds much simpler than it is and most families must go through a lot of pain to get to that point. It is well worth it though, to see the return of the one you love and not their drug addicted persona. It also may very well be saving a life, either the addicts, or quite possibly your own.

Addiction leads the addict away from positive influences of the family.  The disease twists love, concern, and a willingness to be helpful into a host of enabling behaviors that only help to perpetuate the illness.

Love between people has nothing to do with the money that you spend, the value of the home you live in, or your position in society. Nor is the value of a person in any way dependent upon his or her ability to perform. When giving an addict help it is important to value them as a person regardless of their current behavior.

Family and friends are usually very busy attempting to help the alcoholic or addict, but the help is of the wrong kind.  If directed toward effective strategies and interventions, however, these people become powerful influences in helping the loved one “hit bottom” and seek professional help. 

There is no doubt that love has become the most used and abused word in our language. Advertising plays upon erotic and parental love – desire and fulfillment of needs. Subliminal messages say – if you love them, then you will buy them this product or that, depending on the season. It is important when trying to give an addict help to remember that money can’t buy love.

Unconditional love is based upon emotional maturity. A person needs to be able to contain and be responsible for their own emotions and feelings. In families some members are too dependent upon others and the others want a life of their own. Parents may enforce compliance. The result can often be a token obedience, but it is done without feeling or respect. Sometimes it is called “duty”, and lead to drug addiction as a means of escape.

Parents need to be able to tolerate the challenge that raising children brings. Children are not “yours” as if they are property. Every child is different and that must be respected.

Unconditional love means loving the other person as they are, not as you want them to be. When differences of opinion and life choices occur, and when you want to give addict help, simply ask yourself when dealing with issues: is this about them, or about me?

At the very least, families can detach themselves from the painful consequences of there loved one’s disease and cease their enabling behavior.  There are some ways for family members to help there loved one and themselves:

Do learn the facts about alcoholism and drug addiction.

Obtain information through counseling, open AA/NA, and Alanon meetings.  Addiction thrives in an environment of ignorance and denial.  Only when we understand the characteristics and dynamics of addiction can we begin to respond to its symptoms more effectively.  “Realizing that addiction is a progressive disease” will assist the family members to accept there loved one as a “sick person” rather than a “bad person.” This comprehension goes a long way toward helping overcome the associated shame and guilt.  No one is to blame.  The problem is not caused by bad parenting or any other family shortcoming.  Attendance at open AA/NA meetings is important: families need to see that not only are they not alone in there experience, but also that there are many other families just like theirs involved in this struggle.  Families will find a reason to be hopeful when they hear the riveting stories of recovery shared at these meetings.

Don’t rescue the alcoholic or addict. Let them experience the full consequence of their disease

Unfortunately, it is extremely rare for anyone to be “loved” into recovery. Recovering people experience a “hitting bottom.” This implies an accumulation of negative consequences related to drinking or drug use which provides the necessary motivation and inspiration to initiate a recovery effort.  It has been said that “truth” and “consequences” are the foundations of insight and this holds true for addiction. Rescuing addicted persons from there consequences only ensures that more consequences must occur before the need for recovery is realized.

Don’t support the addiction by financially supporting the alcoholic or addict.

Money is the lifeblood of addiction.  Financial support can be provided in many ways and they all serve to prolong the arrival of consequences. Buying groceries, paying for a car repair, loaning money, paying rent, and paying court fines are all examples of contributing to the continuation of alcohol or drug use.

This is not a simple question and therefore, is not a simple answer. Support in the way of unconditional love and help to get off of the drugs is highly encouraged for loved ones of a drug addict. However, financial support and becoming co-dependant is not a good way to help yourself, or your loved one.

It can be very difficult NOT to financially support the drug addict, even though you disagree with what he or she is doing. Loving someone usually means that you take care of them. For a drug addict, however, taking care of them takes on a whole new meaning. Tough love is a very real thing and in the end, it is best for everyone involved. Reminding the drug addict that you love them and are there whenever they need to get help is a great way of supporting them. Drug addicts often forget that they are loved because all they think about is their own love…for their drug. Whether you choose to financially support a drug addict, chances are, they will obtain money from you one way or another. Theft from family members is quite common for someone addicted to drugs.

Actually supporting their habit is probably the worse thing you can do. As hard as it is, you must make it very clear that you will have no part in supporting their drug habit. It will undoubtedly lead to many arguments, but you are not alone. This is something that is faced by the loved ones of drug addicts around the world. Stick to your guns and refuse to support their habit. You should also be encouraging and positive by letting the addict know that they could quit and that you would support them 100% in that decision.

For adults the main social criteria are your income, location of residence and your occupation. It is natural for parents, in wanting the best for their children, to encourage and support them into areas which society tends to value more highly. There is of course some reflected glory from a child who has done “well”. Some children seek refuge in addiction because they feel that in some way they have “failed”.

Integrity of the family unit and bonds of love and caring are not always there for some children. However, poverty and lack of family support is not a determinant of whether a child will be loved. Self respect and respect for the other is at the core of love.

When relationships are built upon mutual respect, different viewpoints can be taken and different choices made without people becoming distressed that the other is not “supporting” them, and giving them what they need. To give addicts help they have to know that you care, but that you won’t jump down their throat for expressing their own opinions.

For a loving relationship to be truly unconditional, needs both parties to be free and independent individuals. When one party is or has become overly dependent upon another to fill their needs, compliance can result in unhealthy “bondage”, and people can easily become bitter or resentful when another person does not do what is expected of them.

Unconditional love needs to be free of demand and command for the other to merely be your “puppet” – words of praise and love only uttered in return for strict compliance. Unconditional love also means that people are not used or rejected on the basis of whether or not they give you pleasure and satisfaction.

 Money is almost always given by family members with the best of intentions, but it always serves to enable the alcoholic or addict to avoid the natural and necessary consequences of addiction. Many addicts recover simply because they could not get money to buy their drug. Consequently they experience withdrawal symptoms and often seek help.

Our Professional counselors have the expertise to help a loved one to start on his or her road of rehabilitation – It is a great idea to contact them for advices

Don’t analyze the loved one’s drinking or drug use. Don’t try to figure it out or look for underlying causes.

There are no underlying causes. Looking for underlying causes is a waste of time and energy and usually ends up with some type of blame focused on the family or others.  This “paralysis by analysis” is a common manipulation by the disease of addiction which distracts everyone from the important issue of the illness itself.

Don’t make idle threats. Say what mean and mean what you say.

Words only marginally impact the alcoholic or addict. Rather “actions speak louder than words” applies to addiction. Threats are as meaningless as the promises made by the addicted person.

Don’t extract promises
A person with an addiction cannot keep promises. This is not because they don’t intend to, but rather because they are powerless to consistently act upon their commitments.  Extracting a promise is a waste of time and only serves to increase the anger toward the loved one.

Don’t preach or lecture
Preaching and lecturing are easily discounted by the addicted person.  A sick person is not motivated to take positive action through guilt or intimidation.  If an alcoholic or addict could be “talked into” getting sober, many more people would get sober.
Do avoid the reactions of pity and anger

These emotions create a painful roller coaster for the loved one.  For a given amount of anger that is felt by a family member in any given situation, that amount-or more-of pity will be felt for the alcoholic or addict once the anger subsides.  This teeter-totter is a common experience for family members—they get angry over a situation, make threats or initiate consequences, and then backtrack from those decisions once the anger has left and has been replaced by pity. The family then does not follow through on their decision to not enable.

Don’t accommodate the disease
Addiction is a subtle foe.  It will infiltrate a family’s home, lifestyle, and attitudes in a way that can go unnoticed by the family.  As the disease progresses within the family system, the family will unknowingly accommodate its presence. Examples of accommodation include locking up ones and other valuables, not inviting guests for fear that the alcoholic or addict might embarrass them, adjusting one’s work schedule to be home with the addict or alcoholic, and planning one’s day around events involving the alcoholic or addict.

Do focus upon your life and responsibilities

Family members must identify areas of there lives that have been neglected due to their focus on, or even obsession with, the alcoholic or addict.  Other family members, hobbies, job, and health, for example, often take a back seat to the needs of the alcoholic or addict and the inevitable crisis of addiction. Turning attention away from the addict and focusing on other personal areas of one’s life is empowering and helpful to all concerned.  Each of these suggestions should be approached separately as individual goals.  No one can make an abrupt change or adjustment from the behaviors that formed while the disease of addiction progressed.  I can not over-emphasize the need for support of family members as they attempt to make changes. Counseling agencies must provide family education and programs to share this information.  They must offer opportunities for families to change their attitudes and behaviors.  The most powerful influence in helping families make these changes is Al-Anon.  By facing their fears and weathering the emotional storms that will follow, they can commit to ending their enabling entanglements.
The disease of addiction will fervently resist a family’s effort to say “no” and stop enabling. Every possible emotional manipulation will be exhibited in an effort to get the family to resume “business as usual.”  There will always be certain family members or friends who will resist the notion of not enabling, join forces with the sick person, and accuse the family of lacking love.  This resistance is a difficult but necessary hurdle for the family to overcome.  Yet, it is necessary if they are to be truly helpful to the alcoholic or addict. Being truly helpful is what these suggestions are really about.  Only when the full weight of the natural consequences of addiction is experienced by the addict – rather than by the family- can there be reason for hope of recovery.