What is the “pink cloud”?
Almost for everyone who looks for recovery
from drug addiction or Alcoholism often come across an experience common,
called “pink cloud ”.
The period of recovery from drug addiction and
alcoholism include a number of challenges and feelings which are difficult to
handle. The individual recovering from drug addiction or alcoholism may still
be experiencing cravings, symptoms associated with withdrawal or feelings for
the first time in sobriety. Each day is a series of “ups and downs, highs and
lows, usually accompanied by depression, frustration, hopelessness, anger,
resentment which the addict or alcoholic is accustomed to coping with through
the use of drugs, alcohol or unhealthy behavioral choices.
Then comes a day, followed by a series of days
or weeks, where the addict or alcoholic experiences Acceptance. He or she is
excited at the prospect of what recovery from addiction and alcoholism has to
offer and feel as if they have grasped what it takes to maintain quality
recovery. All the work they have done in their addiction treatment center and
self help group has paid off and they experience a reprieve from all the
difficulties that have crossed their path. This reprieve, which is actually a
feeling, lasts but for a period of time and as with any feeling, comes and
goes. As this feeling of excitement and acceptance passes, the risk for relapse
is great as the addict or alcoholic begin to doubt the quality of their
recovery. They become scared and thoughts of their drug addiction or alcoholism
reappear. Addicts and alcoholics will experience this “pink cloud” phenomenon
many times in recovery. They become more committed to their relapse prevention
program as their ability to cope up with feelings and situations increase and
hence less likely the relapse is to occur.
Pink Cloud .
My first three Months of
contact with AA were the most exciting in my whole life. AA was then in its
miracle phase; everything that happened seemed strange, wonderful, out of this
world. Hopeless drunks were being lifted out of the gutter. Individuals who had
sought every known means of help without success were responding to this new
approach. To be close to any such group even by proxy was in itself most
electrifying. In addition, professionally, a whole new avenue to the problem of
Alcoholism had opened up. Somewhere in the AA experience was the key to
sobriety. Here was the first authentic clue after many days of fruitless
effort. Needless to say, the possibilities ahead were most intriguing. Perhaps
I could learn how AA worked and thus could learn something about how people
stopped drinking. All of which meant that I shared in the general excitement of
those days. I could see some daylight ahead.
My future in this regard was
now clear: I would try to discover what made AA tick. In this quest for
understanding, I would never have gotten beyond first base if it had not been
for Bill W. and many of the early members. A study of the Twelve Steps helped a
little but of far greater importance were the many insights already possessed
by Bill and the others in the process through which AA brought about its
results. I heard of the need to "hit bottom," of the necessity for
Accepting a Higher Power, of the indispensability of humility, ideas which had
never crossed my professional horizon and had certainly never influenced my
non-professional thinking or attitudes.
Revolutionary as they were, they never the less
made sense and I found myself embarked I began to recognize more clearly what
"hitting bottom" really implied and I began to do what I could to
induce the experience , always wondering what was happening inside the
individual as he went through the crisis of hitting bottom. Finally fortune
smiled on me again,
With that word "surrender" my first
real awareness of what occurred during the period of hitting bottom. The
individual was fighting an admission of being licked, of admitting he was
powerless. If and when he surrendered, he quit fighting, could admit he was
licked and could accept that he was powerless and needed help. If he did not
surrender, a thousand crises could hit him and nothing would happen. The need
to induce surrender became the new therapeutic goal.
The miracle of AA was now a little clearer. For
reasons still obscure, the program and the fellowship of AA could cause a
surrender which in turn would lead to a period of no drinking.
As might be expected, I, had a thrill all my own.
I was getting in on what was happening, always an enjoyable experience.
The job now was to induce surrender. When I tried
to cause that I ran into a whole nest of resistances to the idea, totally new
territory to be explored. As I continued, it became ever more apparent that, in
everyone's psyche there existed an unconquerable ego which bitterly opposed any
thought of defeat. Until that ego was somehow reduced or rendered ineffective,
no likelihood of surrender could be anticipated.
The fact that hitting bottom could produce a Surrender
which cut the ego to size was evident, fairly soon. In time, two additional
facts manifested themselves. The second of these two was that Surrender is
essentially a disciplinary experience.
The first is merely repeating a fact known to you
all. It is common knowledge that a return of the full-fledged ego can happen at
any time. Years of sobriety are no insurance against its Resurgence. No AA,
regardless of his veteran status, can ever relax his guard Against a Reviving
ego.
An obvious reference to the smugness and
self-complacency which so easily can creep into the individual with years of
sobriety behind him. The assumption that one has all the answers--or the
contrary, that one needs to know no answers and just follow AA
Perhaps the commonest manifestation of the return
of the ego is witnessed in the individual who falls from his pink cloud, a
state of mind familiar to you all. This blissful state is a logical aftermath
of
Surrender the ego which has been full of
striving, just quits and the individual senses peace and quiet within. The
result is an enormous feeling of release and the person flies right up to his
pink cloud, and thinks he has found Heaven on earth.
Everyone knows he will come down sometime but it
is perhaps not equally clear that it is ego slowly making its comeback which
forces the descent from the pink cloud into the arena of life where, with the
help of AA, he can learn how to become a sober person and not an angel.
I could go on with many more examples familiar to
you all to show you the danger of ever assuming the ego is dead and buried. Its
capacity for rebirth is utterly astounding and must never be forgotten.
My second finding--that surrender is a
disciplinary experience--requires explanation. In recent articles, I have shown
that the ego basically must be continuously forging ahead and that it operates
on the unconscious assumption that it, the ego, should not be stopped. It takes
for granted its right to go ahead and in this respect has no expectation of
being stopped and no capacity to adjust to that eventuality. Stopping says in
effect, "no, you can't continue," which is the essence of disciplinary
control. The individual who cannot take a stopping is fundamentally an
undisciplined person.
The function of surrender in AA is now clear. It
produces that stopping by causing the individual to say, "I quit, I give
up my headstrong ways. I've learned my lesson."
Very often for the first time in that
individual's adult career, he has encountered the necessary discipline which
halts him in his headlong pace.
Actually he is lucky to have within him the
capacity to surrender. It is that which differentiates him from the wild
animals. They may be cowed but are never really tamed. They never develop a
love for the power of their master which we humans can for the Master who rules
us all. And this happens because we can surrender and truly feel, "Thy Will,
not mine, be done." When that is true, we have become in fact
"obedient servants of God." The spiritual life at that point is a
reality. We have become members of the human race.
I have now presented the two points I wished to
make, namely first, the ego is revivable and second, surrender is a
disciplinary experience. I next wish to discuss their significance for AA as I
see it. Primarily they say quite simply, "AA can never be just a
miracle." The single act of surrender can produce sobriety by its stopping
effect upon the ego. Unfortunately that ego will return unless the individual
learns to accept a disciplined way of life which means the tendency for ego
comeback is permanently checked.
This is not news to AA members. They have learned
that a single surrender is not enough. Under the wise leadership of the
"founding fathers," the need for continued endeavor to maintain that
miracle has been steadily stressed. The Twelve Steps urge repeated inventories,
not just once, and the Twelfth Step is in itself a routine reminder that one
must work at preserving sobriety. Moreover, it is referred to as Twelfth Step
work--which is exactly what it is. By that time, the miracle is for the other
fellow.
The Twelve Traditions are also part of the
non-miracle aspect of AA. They represent, as Bill W. has said, the lessons of
experience. They serve as guides for the inexperienced; in reality they check
the ways of the innocent and unwary. They bring the individual down to earth
and present him with the facts of reality. In their own fashion, they say:
"Pay heed to the teachings of experience or you will court disaster."
It is not without reason that we talk of the "sober voice" of
experience.
My stress on the non-miracle elements of AA has a
purpose. When I made my first acquaintance with AA, I rode the pink cloud with
most of its members. I, too, went through a period of disillusionment and,
fortunately for me, I came out with a faith far stronger than anything a pink
cloud can supply. Mind you, I'm not selling miracles short; they do loosen the
individual up. I now know, however, that truth of the Biblical saying, "By
their works they shall know them." Only through hard toil and labor can
lasting results be obtained.
As a consequence of the need for work to
supplement any miracle, my interest in the non-miracle features has grown. I
can accept more truly the necessity of organization, of structure which curbs
as well as guides. I believe there must be meetings like this one to provide
the sense of belonging to a big working organization of which each individual
is but a part. And I believe that any group or individual who fails to
participate in the enterprises of the organization is rendering himself and his
group a disservice by not submitting to the disciplinary values inherent in
those activities. He may be keeping his ego free of entanglements but he is
also keeping it unstopped. His chances of remaining sober are not of a high
order. He is really going it alone and is headed for another miracle which may
not come off next time.
KEEP COMING BACK!
ONE DAY AT A TIME
