ಕುಡುಕನಿಗಾಗಿ ಕವಿವಾಣಿ

" ಸೇಂದಿಯನು ಸೇವಿಪನು ಹಂದಿಯಂತಿರುತಿಹನು,

ಹಂದಿಯೊಂದೆಡೆ ಉಪಕಾರಿ,

ಕುಡುಕ ಹಂದಿಗೂ ಕಡಿಮೆ."

                            ಸರ್ವಜ್ಞ

 

Willing to be a Sober

Thinking of Going to an AA Meeting? Here Are a Few Tips

So, you’ve been asked to attend some AA meetings. Or you want to attend some AA meetings. You are probably wondering what to expect. Unless you’ve been to AA before, then perhaps you may think you know what to expect. But, luckily, every AA meeting is a little different. That means you can lay aside your expectations and just enjoy the experience.

How to find an AA Meeting. The oldest way is to look in the phone book, under Alcoholism. No matter where you are in the world, you’ll find a listing for Alcoholics Anonymous. On the Internet search “AA meetings in (your city).” On your smart phone, search for applications under the topics “AA Meetings” or “12 Step Recovery.”

Open or Closed? If you believe you’re alcoholic, try a “closed” meeting, as they are for alcoholics only. If you’re unsure about your status, try an “open” meeting. The most important thing is to GO! It’s really recommended you try about eight meetings before you make a decision about whether or not AA is for you.

Do I have to talk? No. Every AA group is different; however, they all essentially operate the same. You may or might not be asked to share or talk. It’s definitely ok to pass. You don’t have to announce yourself as an alcoholic or share anything unless you want to. It’s helpful to arrive at the meeting a little early, that way you can get a seat and not draw too much attention to yourself as a newcomer. The folks that are early to meetings are usually pretty sturdy AA members; they come early to set up and welcome people just like you. The people you meet will help you adjust to how the meeting works and what to expect. Just tell them you’re new to AA, and that this is your first meeting.

What to bring. The most important thing to bring along is an open mind. It helps to bring a little willingness too. Listening is the best gift you can bring almost anywhere. If you listen in on an AA meeting, often you will be able to identify with or relate to folks who are talking. Of course you can bring a friend in case you’re nervous or scared, but unless your friend is an alcoholic, it’s best to go to an open meeting. Bring a dollar bill (or two) for the donation basket. It’s customary in AA to pay the rent by passing a collection basket. This usually happens about half way through the meeting.

Try to remember that everyone in the room had been new to AA just like you. They all had to find their way to their first AA meeting, they all had to ask questions and feel a little uncomfortable.

Do I have to stay for the whole meeting? No. But if you can, try and stay for the entire meeting. If you can’t, if you’re just too uncomfortable or perhaps too emotional, it’s definitely ok to leave. Be polite, try and wait for a pause in people’s sharing before you exit. Try to remember that everyone in the meeting is really there to carry a message of hope to you and are wanting to offer their support to someone new to AA just like you.

Spiritual Awakening

Spiritual Awakening

The entire purpose of the 12 step programs and the working of each step is to Attain a spiritual Awakening. As step 12 states: “Having had a spiritual Awakening as the result of these steps…” Therefore, it is important to note that the entire goal of these steps is to bring about a complete change of Attitude toward spiritual matters in order to obtain and maintain a sober life.

Fortunately, this is accomplished in incremental pieces as one progresses through the steps. Spiritual beliefs that may be uncomfortable and outdated may be discarded along the way. Many addicts are looking askance at the frequent mentions of God as we understand Him, Higher Power, and even the idea of spiritual awakening can bring a negative response in the early days. As they go into the steps, however, they begin to understand that their Ego defenses are the only things screaming for escape; the same Ego defenses that will have them remain in their active addiction, destroying themselves in order to remain “in control.”

As they begin the process of recovery, many addicts must be willing to admit that they have, in fact, used their addiction as a Higher Power. It has repeatedly demanded of them that they do things that are quite against their instincts and personal beliefs in wrong and right. Many have stories about the times they stole from loved ones, broke the hearts of those who were closest and dearest to them, and behaved in ways that were not in accordance with the dictates of their personal ethical views. Others will be quite aware of how they feel about society’s rules, the rules of an organized religion that they have spurned, or other rules imposed on them from outside their own beliefs. These can remain outside the realm of what is meant by spiritual principles or a spiritual awakening.

A phrase that was heard in an early 12-Ssep meeting was something to the effect that: “Recovery means that I follow the rules that I know are right, even when no one is watching.” This speaks of a spiritual awakening. If a recovering addict can be honest with themselves, they will recognize that they have always had an ingrained sense of right and wrong; one that was not imposed on them from someone else’s point of view. Following this credo in making decisions on how to be in the world on a day-to-day basis is the foundation of a very powerful spiritual awakening. What is the right path for most of us may not make sense to others, but we know it is the right thing in our hearts.

It is easy to begin to recognize the stirrings of our first spiritual awakenings; the times when we tell the truth when we would have previously lied, when we correct someone who has given us too much change at the store, when we return something that we borrowed in a timely fashion, and when we show up because we said we would, even though it was a more difficult task than we thought it would be. These are steps we take to develop relationships with others that are based on trust and integrity. Our word becomes valid and honorable, as does our behavior. We know that this is something that we did not previously know how to do, but the Spirit of the 12 steps has shown us the way.

Anger Management

 

 

 

 

 

Anger is one of the hardest Emotions to deal with in Recovery and can often be a factor that leads to relapse if left unchecked.

What most people don’t realize is that Anger is often what is referred to as a “secondary emotion” – it’s simply a reaction to another primary emotion.

Looking at the chain of events that occurs when a person becomes angry can help in identifying the primary emotion that is being felt.

People usually become angry in response to some sort of threat. This threat can be toward the physical body (as in a fist fight), a threat to personal property (like in a car accident), a threat to self-esteem (name calling), a threat to beliefs or values (a difference of opinion in terms of what is right or just), or a threat of not getting what one wants.

Once a person has perceived a situation as a threat, the next event that occurs in the chain reaction of anger is the body’s physical response to the feeling of anger.

Typical physical responses to anger include increased heart rate and blood pressure, a clenched jaw and/or fists, shortness or quickening of breath, and the face turning red.

The way in which the threatening event is interpreted leads to further feelings of anger. This stage of the anger chain consists of cognitive distortions that lead a person to jump to conclusions about a situation that can be inaccurate.

For example, if someone were to bump into you at the grocery store and you thought to yourself “Oh, he didn’t mean to do that, he accidentally bumped in to me,” you would not likely become angry. If you instead thought “That guy meant to bump into me, he clearly saw me standing here, and he is trying to start trouble,” your perception of the situation would then further your feelings of anger.

If anger is left unchecked, it is at this point that a person usually decides to act on their feelings of anger. Acting out behaviors can include name calling, physical altercations, yelling, threatening the other person, etc. In order for a person to successfully manage issues with anger, the chain of events must be broken before this stage is reached.

Finally, after the anger episode is over, the person has the opportunity to reflect on how the situation could have been handled differently. This is a key part of anger management, as this allows a person to come up with healthier alternatives to anger the next time a threat is perceived. The earlier the chain of events that occurs when a person becomes angry is broken, the easier it will be for the person to react differently and make a better choice. This is very important in recovery, as anger is a very common relapse trigger. If not managed in a healthy way, anger can tempt a person in recovery to alleviate these feelings by using drugs and alcohol.

Managing anger is a lot like creating a relapse prevention plan. The first step is to identify the triggers to anger, and work to uncover the true emotion that is hiding behind the mask of anger. Once the true emotion is identified, feelings of anger can be alleviated by focusing on deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or even by doing something as simple as taking a walk or a hot shower. Managing anger in a healthy way can also help a person in recovery to communicate with others more effectively and develop patience and tolerance.

 

 

Pink Cloud

What is the “pink cloud”?

Almost for everyone who looks for recovery from drug addiction or Alcoholism often come across an experience common, called “pink cloud ”.

The period of recovery from drug addiction and alcoholism include a number of challenges and feelings which are difficult to handle. The individual recovering from drug addiction or alcoholism may still be experiencing cravings, symptoms associated with withdrawal or feelings for the first time in sobriety. Each day is a series of “ups and downs, highs and lows, usually accompanied by depression, frustration, hopelessness, anger, resentment which the addict or alcoholic is accustomed to coping with through the use of drugs, alcohol or unhealthy behavioral choices.

Then comes a day, followed by a series of days or weeks, where the addict or alcoholic experiences Acceptance. He or she is excited at the prospect of what recovery from addiction and alcoholism has to offer and feel as if they have grasped what it takes to maintain quality recovery. All the work they have done in their addiction treatment center and self help group has paid off and they experience a reprieve from all the difficulties that have crossed their path. This reprieve, which is actually a feeling, lasts but for a period of time and as with any feeling, comes and goes. As this feeling of excitement and acceptance passes, the risk for relapse is great as the addict or alcoholic begin to doubt the quality of their recovery. They become scared and thoughts of their drug addiction or alcoholism reappear. Addicts and alcoholics will experience this “pink cloud” phenomenon many times in recovery. They become more committed to their relapse prevention program as their ability to cope up with feelings and situations increase and hence less likely the relapse is to occur.

 

 

 

Pink Cloud .

My first three Months of contact with AA were the most exciting in my whole life. AA was then in its miracle phase; everything that happened seemed strange, wonderful, out of this world. Hopeless drunks were being lifted out of the gutter. Individuals who had sought every known means of help without success were responding to this new approach. To be close to any such group even by proxy was in itself most electrifying. In addition, professionally, a whole new avenue to the problem of Alcoholism had opened up. Somewhere in the AA experience was the key to sobriety. Here was the first authentic clue after many days of fruitless effort. Needless to say, the possibilities ahead were most intriguing. Perhaps I could learn how AA worked and thus could learn something about how people stopped drinking. All of which meant that I shared in the general excitement of those days. I could see some daylight ahead.

My future in this regard was now clear: I would try to discover what made AA tick. In this quest for understanding, I would never have gotten beyond first base if it had not been for Bill W. and many of the early members. A study of the Twelve Steps helped a little but of far greater importance were the many insights already possessed by Bill and the others in the process through which AA brought about its results. I heard of the need to "hit bottom," of the necessity for Accepting a Higher Power, of the indispensability of humility, ideas which had never crossed my professional horizon and had certainly never influenced my non-professional thinking or attitudes.

Revolutionary as they were, they never the less made sense and I found myself embarked I began to recognize more clearly what "hitting bottom" really implied and I began to do what I could to induce the experience , always wondering what was happening inside the individual as he went through the crisis of hitting bottom. Finally fortune smiled on me again,

With that word "surrender" my first real awareness of what occurred during the period of hitting bottom. The individual was fighting an admission of being licked, of admitting he was powerless. If and when he surrendered, he quit fighting, could admit he was licked and could accept that he was powerless and needed help. If he did not surrender, a thousand crises could hit him and nothing would happen. The need to induce surrender became the new therapeutic goal.

The miracle of AA was now a little clearer. For reasons still obscure, the program and the fellowship of AA could cause a surrender which in turn would lead to a period of no drinking.

As might be expected, I, had a thrill all my own. I was getting in on what was happening, always an enjoyable experience.

The job now was to induce surrender. When I tried to cause that I ran into a whole nest of resistances to the idea, totally new territory to be explored. As I continued, it became ever more apparent that, in everyone's psyche there existed an unconquerable ego which bitterly opposed any thought of defeat. Until that ego was somehow reduced or rendered ineffective, no likelihood of surrender could be anticipated.

The fact that hitting bottom could produce a Surrender which cut the ego to size was evident, fairly soon. In time, two additional facts manifested themselves. The second of these two was that Surrender is essentially a disciplinary experience.

The first is merely repeating a fact known to you all. It is common knowledge that a return of the full-fledged ego can happen at any time. Years of sobriety are no insurance against its Resurgence. No AA, regardless of his veteran status, can ever relax his guard Against a Reviving ego.

An obvious reference to the smugness and self-complacency which so easily can creep into the individual with years of sobriety behind him. The assumption that one has all the answers--or the contrary, that one needs to know no answers and just follow AA

Perhaps the commonest manifestation of the return of the ego is witnessed in the individual who falls from his pink cloud, a state of mind familiar to you all. This blissful state is a logical aftermath of

Surrender the ego which has been full of striving, just quits and the individual senses peace and quiet within. The result is an enormous feeling of release and the person flies right up to his pink cloud, and thinks he has found Heaven on earth.

Everyone knows he will come down sometime but it is perhaps not equally clear that it is ego slowly making its comeback which forces the descent from the pink cloud into the arena of life where, with the help of AA, he can learn how to become a sober person and not an angel.

I could go on with many more examples familiar to you all to show you the danger of ever assuming the ego is dead and buried. Its capacity for rebirth is utterly astounding and must never be forgotten.

My second finding--that surrender is a disciplinary experience--requires explanation. In recent articles, I have shown that the ego basically must be continuously forging ahead and that it operates on the unconscious assumption that it, the ego, should not be stopped. It takes for granted its right to go ahead and in this respect has no expectation of being stopped and no capacity to adjust to that eventuality. Stopping says in effect, "no, you can't continue," which is the essence of disciplinary control. The individual who cannot take a stopping is fundamentally an undisciplined person.

The function of surrender in AA is now clear. It produces that stopping by causing the individual to say, "I quit, I give up my headstrong ways. I've learned my lesson."

Very often for the first time in that individual's adult career, he has encountered the necessary discipline which halts him in his headlong pace.

Actually he is lucky to have within him the capacity to surrender. It is that which differentiates him from the wild animals. They may be cowed but are never really tamed. They never develop a love for the power of their master which we humans can for the Master who rules us all. And this happens because we can surrender and truly feel, "Thy Will, not mine, be done." When that is true, we have become in fact "obedient servants of God." The spiritual life at that point is a reality. We have become members of the human race.

I have now presented the two points I wished to make, namely first, the ego is revivable and second, surrender is a disciplinary experience. I next wish to discuss their significance for AA as I see it. Primarily they say quite simply, "AA can never be just a miracle." The single act of surrender can produce sobriety by its stopping effect upon the ego. Unfortunately that ego will return unless the individual learns to accept a disciplined way of life which means the tendency for ego comeback is permanently checked.

This is not news to AA members. They have learned that a single surrender is not enough. Under the wise leadership of the "founding fathers," the need for continued endeavor to maintain that miracle has been steadily stressed. The Twelve Steps urge repeated inventories, not just once, and the Twelfth Step is in itself a routine reminder that one must work at preserving sobriety. Moreover, it is referred to as Twelfth Step work--which is exactly what it is. By that time, the miracle is for the other fellow.

The Twelve Traditions are also part of the non-miracle aspect of AA. They represent, as Bill W. has said, the lessons of experience. They serve as guides for the inexperienced; in reality they check the ways of the innocent and unwary. They bring the individual down to earth and present him with the facts of reality. In their own fashion, they say: "Pay heed to the teachings of experience or you will court disaster." It is not without reason that we talk of the "sober voice" of experience.

My stress on the non-miracle elements of AA has a purpose. When I made my first acquaintance with AA, I rode the pink cloud with most of its members. I, too, went through a period of disillusionment and, fortunately for me, I came out with a faith far stronger than anything a pink cloud can supply. Mind you, I'm not selling miracles short; they do loosen the individual up. I now know, however, that truth of the Biblical saying, "By their works they shall know them." Only through hard toil and labor can lasting results be obtained.

As a consequence of the need for work to supplement any miracle, my interest in the non-miracle features has grown. I can accept more truly the necessity of organization, of structure which curbs as well as guides. I believe there must be meetings like this one to provide the sense of belonging to a big working organization of which each individual is but a part. And I believe that any group or individual who fails to participate in the enterprises of the organization is rendering himself and his group a disservice by not submitting to the disciplinary values inherent in those activities. He may be keeping his ego free of entanglements but he is also keeping it unstopped. His chances of remaining sober are not of a high order. He is really going it alone and is headed for another miracle which may not come off next time.

 

KEEP COMING BACK!

 

ONE DAY AT A TIME