Violence

The relationship between alcohol or other substance abuse and domestic violence is complicated. A prevailing myth about domestic violence is that alcohol and drugs are the major causes of domestic abuse. In reality, some abusers rely on substance use and abuse as an excuse for becoming violent. Alcohol allows the abuser to justify his abusive behavior as a result of the alcohol. While an abuser’s use of alcohol may have an effect on the severity of the abuse or the ease with which the abuser can justify his actions, an abuser does not become violent “because” drinking causes him to lose control of his temper. As described more fully in the section on theories of violence, domestic violence is used to exert power and control over another; it does not represent a loss of control.

Understanding some of the theories that have been advanced to explain the substance-violence relationship can, however, help advocates design interventions that can increase women’s safety and help men choose non-violence. Most importantly, domestic violence and substance abuse should be understood and treated as independent problems: “The reduction of one problem to the familiar language and interventions of the other problem is ill-advised.” At the same time, because the relationship between substance abuse and domestic violence is complex, institutions that address these problems together must be capable of managing their complexity.

Alcohol does affect the user’s ability to perceive, integrate and process information. This distortion in the user’s thinking does not cause violence, but may increase the risk that the user will misinterpret his partner or another’s behavior.

Some research indicates that a large quantity of alcohol, or any quantity for alcoholics, can increase the user’s sense of personal power and domination over others. An increased sense of power and control can, in turn, make it more likely that an abuser will attempt to exercise that power and control over another.

Violence may be triggered by conflict over alcohol use or in the process of obtaining and using substances, particularly illegal drugs.

Substance abuse may increase the aggressive response of individuals with low levels of the neurotransmitter serotonin. There is, however, still “no evidence that batterers are ‘hard wired’ for violence, nor that their socialization or choice-making processes are not operational when using substances.” there may be a correlation between the risk of domestic violence and certain personality characteristics. For example, alcohol abuse may increase the risk of violence in men who think abuse of women is appropriate and are also under socioeconomic hardship.

Parental substance abuse and parental domestic violence increase the chances that a child will grow up to be an abuser and/or a substance abuser.

The average amount of alcohol consumed prior to the use of violence was only a few drinks, which “suggests that the act of drinking may be more related to woman abuse than the effect of alcohol. drug use is more strongly correlated to domestic violence than is alcohol.

Higher Power

When we look back, we realize that the things which came to us
when we put ourselves in God's hands
were better than anything we could have planned.
- Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 100.

Take a walk with God; He will meet you at the Steps.
G O D = Good Orderly Direction.

 

Hi everyone, I'm Venki, a grateful Recovering Alcoholic. When I came to AA, I was drinking 3 to 4 quarter's a day. 2 to 3 day's  A week if I do'nt come to AA Don't know whare  I'll be to day,

 I was dying, and coughing,when i came to rehab. If they don't mentioned God to me I would freak out, but in the 12 Steps I learned what I needed to have a higher power, and that would be the God of my understanding. I believe.

If they told me to believe in green frogs from Mars I would have..! -__ but God...?

What I came to see as my journey started 6 months ago. I would have little moments where I would think "I wonder what that means.?"  A few minutes later, or sometimes a day later, I would get an answer.

Yesterday I was sitting here and realized I still fear complete surrender to my Higher Power -- that ‘giving it my all’ kind of thing. And I saw how many delusional, judgmental, negative things I hang onto. 

I thought I need to work on becoming more comfortable. I began to remember the times my Higher Power has pulled me through some really trying times, and then I'd forget all about it. I found myself compelled to listen when I heard someone say.

"When we make someone smaller than ourselves, or lessen them, we can immediately justify anything we want." 

It still takes my breath away, because that was me. All this time I have unintentionally made people smaller in my mind. Then I started to see the full scope of how negative towards people I can be; and I know better. That triggered me to really stop and take a breath. It was a humbling, ego-deflating moment. Through sheer accident, I’d put me on a pedestal and didn't realize I was doing it.

I was flabbergasted, and found myself yet again falling into deep gratitude. My Higher Power rocks.! He knows just how to put something in front of me to gently teach me. 

He gives it to me in a way I can understand, digest it, and grow from it.

Loneliness

As we became subjects of King Alcohol, shivering denizens of his mad realm,
the chilling vapor that is loneliness settled down. It thickened, ever becoming blacker. Some of us sought out sordid places, hoping to find understanding, companionship and approval. Momentarily we did  -- then would come oblivion and the awful awakening to face the hideous Four Horsemen -- Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, Despair. Unhappy drinkers who read this page will understand.!
- Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 151.

Happiness and peace of mind are always here, open and free to anyone.
Y A N A = You Are Not Alone.

Resentment

It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worth while. But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is fatal.
- Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 66

 

We are prisoners of our own resentments.
A A = Altered Attitudes.

No man will succeed unless he is ready to face and overcome difficulties and is prepared to assume responsibilities.
By William J.H. Boetcher

Judgment

One unkind tirade or one willful snap judgment can ruin our relation with another person for a whole day, or maybe a whole year. Nothing pays off like restraint of tongue and pen.
- Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 91
By what measure I judge others, I judge myself. By what measure I forgive others, I forgive myself.
P U T = Patience, Understanding, Tolerance.

 

Hi AA family, I'm Venki, and I'm an recovering alcoholic. and i'm asking a question to me. 
Q :- Do I judge.....?  
A :- Yes, I do. And I don't think it’s always a bad thing. To judge can mean to form an opinion, to be able to make critical distinctions and achieve a balanced viewpoint; discernment. I judge if someone has, what I want in sobriety. I judge if I have time to cross the street before that car coming knocks me down. And I even talk it over with trusted AA friends for me that's ok. When it becomes not ok, is when I use my own judgment, or "discernment" (the nicer word for it) to treat someone as less than; or to snub someone, or in a way that will harm them. 
Yes, the things I tend to judge tend to be things I dislike within myself. So it can be helpful, especially when I talk it over with my councilor and trusted AA friends. They point out to me that I'm struggling with the same thing. Then I know what action to take -- to ask God for help in removing this thing that causes me distress, and to help me treat others with compassion. 
Q :- Am I good at it....? 
A :- Sometimes yes, and sometimes no. These are just my thoughts on it, and on growing in sobriety.