Look, I'm not going to try and talk you into quitting drinking. I don't care if you drink your nights, weekends or your life away - YOU have to care. If you're viewing this page it's because something inside of you said, "This aint working for me. I need to get this under control."
It's never too early to start. If you're waiting for just the right moment or the right sign, they're right in front of you, you're just not seeing them. I share a lot of information and ideas on this site. Go ahead and browse the pages, But the decision is yours. You are not powerless, unless you say that you are powerless (and keep repeating it to yourself), and then behave in a powerless fashion.
I wish.....
I wish I could tell you that everything will work out fine. I wish I could offer you a guarantee of sober happiness. I wish I could tell you that it gets easier with time, that the temptations go away, that the struggles disappear, that all memories fade. They don't, at least not for me they haven't - but maybe this will be easier for you.
I wish I could spare you some of the pain that you will go through. But you will have to walk this path in your own shoes.
We can walk it together, you can lean on me and others, but you will have to make this walk yourself.
My method doesnt work... for everyone.
My belief that alcoholism isn't a disease is not always popular. My philosophy and strategy for maintaining sobriety doesn't work for everyone. (Actually, no system works for everyone.) Some people function best under a regimented plan or step system.
That doesn't mean they are weak; they just need a pre-established structure to follow.
I suggest that anyone who is going to undertake a sober lifestyle spends the time to research all systems. I suggest that people DO attend some AA meetings. Discover on your own what is most rewarding for YOU.
Many of us can't afford rehab or don't have time to attend daily meetings. Some of us don't feel the need to relinquish our power over to an invisible god of our choosing.
And is it constructive to constantly remind yourself that you are weak, flawed and despicable? All drunks are not worthless jerks. If you are an abusive drunken jerk, then do something about it.
If drinking is a problem in your life, then YOU will have to change YOUR drinking habits but you probably don't have to change who you are. Some of the changes you will undertake may not be fun - sorry. Many of the changes may not turn out how you plan or expect - sorry. But here's a crazy twist; some things may turn out better than you ever expected. But you won't know until you try.
You CAN have a 100% success rate - no matter what plan or program you follow - as long as you don't drink. So at least give sobriety a try. I assure you, it'll be different.
More on my Philosophy:
On this website I bare my soul to you. I share all of my feelings of depression, guilt, temptation and anger. However, if you were to meet me in person you would never know that I suffer from these feelings - and more important - you would never know that I don't drink. I share my private emotions and struggles with you here, on my website, because this is the place to do it. I talk openly about the difficulty of trying to live a sober life, and it can be a daily struggle.
I was under the foolish belief that once I stopped drinking I would be happy and everyone would love me more, especially the people that I love. WRONG! Life is not filled with flowers, fuzzy bunnies and the sun does not shine out of your ass just because you quit drinking.
When I first quit drinking I attended a few "meetings" and listened to people say how much better my life will be if I follow the steps and find a higher power. What a crock of shit! Sobriety sucks. Listening to "read the book" rhetoric just doesn't work for me - that's not how real life is - especially if you enjoy drinking. Sobriety is NOT always fun and it's NOT always easy. Just try to live a normal life, and not drink or be tempted to drink.
I have had to learn how to stay sober using my own willpower. I live a normal, fully engaged life. I don't hide from the real world. I go to parties, concerts, sporting events, etc. - and I stay sober.
The hard part about sobriety is that you have to deal with life and other people as they really are, and you have to do this SOBER! When you're a sober man, huge ugly women stay huge and ugly all night. It’s the same for sober women - fat, dumb drunk guys don't start looking good as the night goes on. Boring, stupid people get even more boring and stupid.
Respecting Alcohol:
“Living Sober Sucks” is not an anti-alcohol book. I think drinking is fun and a lot of drugs are fun. However, they can become problematic for many of us. I happen to be someone that knows that I shouldn't drink or do drugs. Now that I know that, I make the conscious choice to not partake in drinking or drugs. You, or someone you know may also be in this same category.
Understanding what alcohol does: Alcohol is designed to effect the brain and give the user a sense of pleasure. However, as larger amounts of alcohol are introduced into the body, these euphoric feelings are also mixed with an inability for the brain to process data between the various are as coherently and correctly. This is what causes us to have poor judgment while were drunk. That is a simple explanation.
In layman’s terms: Alcohol makes stupid people seem interesting. It makes fat, dopey people look attractive and it also causes your pants to fall off at the wrong time with the wrong person. Too much alcohol also causes us to have regrets. We regret what we said, what we did, or who we ended up going home with.
By Mark Tuschel.
Everything doesnt always turn out for the best, but you can make the best of how things turn out.A smart person learns from their mistakes, but a smarter person learns from everyone else's mistakes.
I don't think I was all that bad, but I didn't have to deal with me as a drunk... I was me!
This is fucked up!
Alcoholism isn't a disease, it's a choice.
I am paying the price today for what I did yesterday.
You never know how you look through someone else's eyes.
Let go and let gravity! - Some things fly, some don't.
The day I needed help from God, She called in sick.
If you think you have a problem, you probably do have a problem
As long as I do something, something will happen.
Sometimes life is fair and justice is served - be patient.
Life can get better, if you let it, and help it along a bit.
Hey, this may suck, but at least I’m still sober!
I don't care!
I don't care what YOU want to put into YOUR body. I care about what I put into MY body.
I don't care if YOU want to drink or do drugs. I care whether I drink or do drugs.
I don't care how YOU treat people. I care how I treat people.
I don't care how YOU want to act or live your life. I care how I act and how I live my life.
I don't care about who YOU hang out with. I care about who I hang out with.
I don't care how many ransoms YOU go home with. I care about who I give my love to.
I don't care what you might think or say about me. I care what I think and say about me.
It isn't that I don't care about people. In fact, I care deeply about the important people in my life and I care about YOU, but I can't care about what they do or what you do. I have to pay attention to what I do, what I say and how I react to others.
If friends do things that I don't like or that aren't good for me or them, then I must decide if I want to hang out with them. All I can control is ME, and all you can control is YOU.
I believe that this attitude will help you pay attention to your own sobriety.
People have done some pretty rotten things to me. I've been cheated on, tormented, humiliated, laughed at, belittled, emasculated, lied to, and emotionally hurt. I've had people die in front of me, had good friends die in my arms, been robbed, lost money, made money, had my ass kicked and kicked a few asses. I have been loved and hated. While I was a drunk I had probably done some of those same things to people that I love and I must live with that guilt, but that isn't an excuse or a reason for me to drink. It doesn't matter what you've been through or what anyone has ever done to you,,, no one forces you to drink but YOU! There are NO excuses, no good reasons, there is no rationalization! I’m not superhuman and I'm nothing special,,,, I’m just honest with myself and with you. Try living sober for a while. What's the worst that can happen?
Let rehab come to you!
I came across a very interesting rehab service. They’re called CARE (Chemical Addiction Rehabilitation Education) and they work as sober escorts and sober companions. I’m a firm believer that to fully enjoy a sober lifestyle you need to be able to engage in all aspects of your world. CARE works with individuals in their own environment and as a companion at social events to learn how to live a normal fully engaged sober life. I really like their approach and concept. This is a paid endorsement, I truly support their methodology.
Thank you to all of my family and friends that have stuck by me and helped me stay sober. Special thanks to my crazy wife hema.
The 1'st year of sobriety is,,, ummmm,,, different. It may not be what you expect or have been told. Hopefully, your first year will be better than mine was.
I wish I could tell you that sobriety will bring you complete joy and happiness. I wish I could say that it will be fun and easy. I wish I could assure you that everything will go your way when you begin to live sober. I would be lying if I told you that.
We are all different and we all face varied struggles within our lives. Sobering up may be easy for you. It may bring you all the peace and happiness you desire. I hope that it does. But for many of us, it will require great effort. All of our problems won't magically disappear. We will still have periods of sadness and disappointments will come into our lives. We won't get everything we want out of sobriety. Temptation will always be lurking and seeing the rewards of our sobriety will take time.
I don't want to be discouraging, but it may take from 6 months to a full year of living sober before you really see and feel the benefits. If you've been a heavy drinker for a while (2 years or more), it will take time for your body, mind and emotions to function in sober unison.
Some benefits will be obvious - at first. Not feeling like shit after a night of drinking. Noticing that you haven't spent all of your money, actually remembering what you did or said. But it will be the things that are lacking or that are gone from your life that won't be as obvious. However the lack of problems and misery is far more enjoyable than the gain of something small.
Many newly sober people want a lot out of this. They want peace, happiness, renewed and rekindled relationships. They want to be liked, loved and respected. They want to have financial stability, look better, feel better, and be popular, whatever. These are all great things to want and to desire. But sobriety does not guarantee these things. These things must be earned through your own action and behavior. Not just a one-time action or behavior, but a sustained and consistent behavior. This all takes time, possibly years.
Do not be discouraged by my words. Your life and conditions may improve faster than you imagine. You will likely gain things out of sobriety that you never imagined. But you will have to work at this. You can simply stay sober if you wish - but why not make the best out of this? Reward yourself and be proud of yourself. You are NOT filled with flaws, character defects and weaknesses - you just drink too much.
Be patient, loving and caring with yourself. Live and behave in your own best self-interest for your own self preservation. If you're not worth a shit to yourself, you won't be worth a shit to anyone else.
What reality do you have to face?
The reality that YOU no longer drink. You might tell yourself, “I’ll never drink again.” But some people don’t like to think in “never” terms, so instead maybe you tell yourself, “I’m not going to drink today, tomorrow or in the near future.” You could also say, “I’m not going to drink indefinitely.” However you want to say it to yourself, the reality is that YOU no longer drink. You don’t need to add qualifiers like, “I can’t” or “I shouldn’t” drink. Simply accept the fact that YOU no longer drink.
Don’t worry about anyone else, just worry about YOU. That’s another part of sober reality – other people can and will continue to drink, some socially, some to excess, some to death. That’s not your problem, it’s theirs. The sooner you accept this reality the sooner you will stop feeling as if you have been singled out to suffer. You won’t be as tempted to look down at anyone else who does drink and you won’t feel compelled to spread the “good word” of sobriety to everyone you meet.
You’re reading this book, so once you’re done with it, start reading another book. It doesn’t matter what the subject matter or the genre is, just keep reading. In fact, I believe that you should read about subjects that you’re unfamiliar with. You might discover a new passion or interest. The mission is to challenge your mind, to cause you to think, to learn new perspectives and to learn new things.
If you want to be a wet blanket at parties, events and social gatherings – go ahead. At least you won’t have to worry about being tempted to drink in the future, because you won’t be invited back. If you don’t want to go places where alcohol is served, that’s your choice. If you never want to go to a concert, festival, comedy club, bowling alley, wedding reception, whatever – that’s your choice. But why would you want to rob yourself of all that fun?
I’ll grant you that it’s not a good idea to attend Ok to be rest on Day 2 of your sobriety, but eventually you’ll want to, or have to, attend some function where alcohol is served. Unless of course you plan on hiding from the rest of the world and never going to a wedding reception, never going to a festival or fair, or never going to a restaurant that might serve – God forbid – wine! You’ll also have to never watch a Football, Basketball or Baseball game on TV. You have to prepare yourself for all of these tempting situations if you plan on living a normal, fully engaged life. Sure, you can go sit in the “alcohol free” section at Baseball and Football games, but you’re going to have to walk through the parking lot and through the turnstiles, then past all the concession areas. Sooner or later you’re going to have to pee. What are you going to do? Have someone put a pillowcase over your head and walk you to your seat or to the bathroom? (I went to the Symphony and there were wine vendors in the lobby.) Virtually any public place or entertainment venue you go to will have alcohol for sale. You better get used to it.
